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“I let him break me.” Each word cracked my heart open like a stone. Telling him this, standing in the shadow of his judgment. “I go back each day, and I smile, and I play my part. I make it easy for him.”
“I’m sorry.” The words were gentle. Tender. Real. They gutted me.
“What?” I whispered. I stepped back from the edge to flee, and my foot slid on the icy ground. My balance was lost in an instant. I pitched sideways, already starting to fall to the rocks below.
In half a breath, Kage was there. His hands gripped my upper arms, strong and unyielding, his cloak swirling around us as he moved faster than I’d ever thought possible. I was back on the cliff as if it had never happened. I crashed against his chest, breathless, fingers curling into the front of his shirt, his heartbeat steady and strong under my palm. Everything went very still. I could feel every point of contact between us. My shoulder digging into his ribs. His gloved hands clasping me, holding me in place. It was the second time he’d touched me—the first when we’d made a vow, mingled blood.
Something had changed in me that day. But had it changed from the moment his hand touched mine or from the moment I first saw him as the wolf?
An ache formed in my chest as I looked up and saw the concern etched into his face. It couldn’t be real. None of this was. I broke free, stepping back, carefully moving away from the cliff.
“So that’s what this is about,” I said bitterly. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Done what? Stopped you from falling?”
“Touched me,” I hissed.
His hands fell to his sides. “Forgive me.”
I was being ridiculous and unfair, but I didn’t care. “The Blood Vow. Is that it? You think I’ll break my word? That you have to earn my trust?”
Kage looked amused. “The Vow is unbreakable. I have no fears in that regard. If that were the case, I could have let you fall to your death just now.”
I flushed.
“No, that isn’t what this is about.”
“Then, what is this about?”
“For a girl who’s always seemed so confident, you seem to have a shocking disregard for your own selfworth lately.”
I took another step back, everything in me fighting to just lean into his warmth again.
“Why would you be sorry for me? Why?”
“Let’s call it a responsibility towards you.” His voice was tight, as if he were finding it difficult to get the words out. “One I feel more and more strongly by the day.” The words were dutiful and should have landed coldly. Yet to me they were full of meaning. They were the words I’d been waiting for someone—anyone—to say.
My pulse stuttered. “That makes no sense. We’ve hardly spoken.” I gave a mirthless laugh. “Half the time, you’ve been a wolf.”
He didn’t laugh with me. Didn’t let me use humor as my shield. Instead, he took a step closer, closing the space between us I’d tried to create.
“I’ve done awful things,” I whispered, trying not to look into his eyes. “You shouldn’t even be talking to me. You know what I’ve done. I’ve hurt people. I’ve manipulated—”
“Stop,” Kage’s voice commanded. “It’s pointless. None of that will work on me. I see you, Regan. Not just what you show the world. I see it all. What you hide. The strength it takes just to stand here, to survive the day. You think I don’t see it? You think that’s a weakness?” He shook his head. “You’re at war.”
I swallowed, unsure of where to look.
“You’ve done what you had to do to survive,” Kage said, his voice low and rough. “You know he’d kill you if you tried to stop him. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. Sometimes simply surviving is a rebellion.”
My breath caught. “I serve him. I do what he tells me to do. That’s not rebelling. The responsibility is mine. You say you know me? Then, look into my heart. It’s icy, empty. I’m just as cruel as he is.”
Kage’s eyes darkened. “No.”
“No?”
“He holds the blade. You’re the one who’s bleeding.”
I shook my head. “You can’t shield me. You can’t absolve me.”