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I glanced at her as we walked out of the courtyard. What would my best friend say if she knew that night after night, a shadowy version of my dragon prowled into my mind and did unspeakably sinful things to my body. I’d tried to dismiss it the first few times, but the dreams just kept coming. Vivid, lush visions that left me tangled in my sheets, skin fever-hot and pulse humming fast. Eventually, I stopped wanting them to stop. I went to bed each night, hoping to see Nyxaris. He’d circle me, his hot breath skimming my neck, lowering his head to graze my skin, and then …

I could feel a flush creeping up my neck and forced my thoughts away. The dreams had made one thing terribly clear: Whatever I was supposed to be trying to feel for Kage Tanaka just wasn’t there. I felt nothing for him, nothing like what unfurled in my belly at night when Nyxaris’s voice coiled like smoke through my dreams, all velvet and flame.

If ridiculous dreams could stir me like that, what did it say about the loneliness that awaited me when I stood at Kage’s side, possibly for the rest of my life? Still, Medra was right: I’d made my choice, and it was too late to back out.

“You’re right,” I repeated out loud. “I promised Nyxaris I’d go through with this, and I won’t shame him tonight.”

A low growl rippled in my mind. Shame does not enter the equation.You will carry yourself with grace and dignity, as you always do. Are you prepared?

My guilt spiked. Had he sensed the images that were just simmering in my thoughts?

Almost. Medra’s here to help me get dressed.

His growl softened into a sigh. If I could spare you from this pageantry, I would. Forgive me.

I know. There’s no need to apologize, I said quickly.

Regret pulsed through our bond. For now, the Avari boy’s name is the best shield we may wield.

It’s all right, I answered, even as my throat tightened at the lie. I’ll be fine. I’ll manage. Just … stay close tonight.

Always. The word rumbled like thunder, Nyxaris’s voice warm and possessive.

Forcing my thoughts away from my dragon and back down to ground level, I followed Medra down the corridor, and together we headed to the tower.

CHAPTER 22

BLAKE

I bent over my desk and flicked at a page in the book with one hand while buttoning my waistcoat with the other. The book was a fucking joke; I’d lost count of how many times I’d stared at the same page in The Dark Art of Eternal Bonds. Because I now knew, after reading the damned thing from cover to cover at least three times, that there was only one spell in the entire tome that could possibly apply to my situation: The Spell of Twin Hearts.

I scanned the page, as if I hadn’t already memorized most of it.

In the furnace of one soul, bind name for name, flame for flame. If will should falter, ash devours ash.

My stomach lurched, also not for the first time. At first, the words had held no meaning. They were like a cryptic poem, one I’d had to read again and again. But now I understood all too well what they meant. The spell was meant to complete a merge with another dragon. A second dragon caged behind my ribs when I couldn’t even leash the fucking first.

I rubbed my temples, barely resisting the urge to hurl the book across the room, then touched the piece of parchment I’d taken to using as a bookmark. It was a note from Rodriguez. He’d sent it in an envelope and had someone stick it under my door the morning after he’d given me the book.

Blake, the note read, I was a drunk idiot when I handed you that book.

Well, on that we could both agree.

The Twin Heart spell hasn’t been attempted in living memory.

Considering all of the dragons had been stone until a few months ago, that hardly needed to be said.

There is a chance it could grant you control. But chances are higher it would simply tear you apart.

I’d figured that out on my own, too—thanks, Rodriguez.

Forgive me for not being more helpful. I’m sorry.

It went without saying what he was sorry for. He was sorry that I had a clock counting down over my head, each day inching closer to my last. I snorted, pushing the piece of parchment aside, and reading the last line of the spell.

If heart-fire answers heart-fire, two may become one. Mastery forged anew.

Gods, that sounded good. Mastery. How I longed for that. But two becoming one? I didn’t want to become one with anyone or anything else. The oneness I felt with Pendragon when we were fucking was the closest thing to being one with another person I ever wanted to experience. In fact, I felt weirdly guilty for even thinking of doing a spell that involved twin hearts. As if it were cheating on her or something.