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The words hit like a physical blow. My breath catches.
He looks down immediately, cheeks flushing. “Not found-found. I mean… this is where…” He trails off, swallowing hard.
I wait, giving him space.
“Where you became Daddy,” he whispers. “And… and you made me your boy.”
Fuck.
I reach for him without thinking. He comes instantly, pressing against my chest before my arms are even fully around him. I hold him tight, feeling the way he trembles slightly against me. His face burrows into my shirt, and I rest my cheek against his hair, breathing him in.
“Baby,” I murmur.
“I am excited to go home,” he says, voice muffled against my chest.
“I know.”
“Really, I am.”
“I believe you.” My hand strokes slow circles on his back.
His fingers twist into the fabric of my shirt, holding on like he’s afraid I might let go. “It’s just… weird. I feel nervous. Like once we leave, we might lose what we have here.”
“Oh, princess. Is it like when I took the cuffs off?”
He nods, sniffling.
“Baby boy, what do I need to do to make you understand? I am never letting you go. No matter where we are, no matter how much time passes, you’ll always be mine. You’ll always be Daddy’s good boy. No matter where we are, I’ll keep you safe.”
He nods, but the sad, haunted look lingers. It’s not something that comes from his head; it’s somewhere deeper. He’s never had anywhere to belong before, never had a person who wanted him. I can’t erase that. All I can do is try to prove, over and over, that this time is different.
I crouch so we’re eye to eye. “Listen to me, Kammie. You’re my boy. I don’t care how many rooms we move through—hell, we could live in a box under a bridge, and you’d still be mine.”
He smiles, shy and small, but it’s a start.
I ruffle his hair. “Now c’mon. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
As we walk out and I lock up the house, Kamden stands beside the car, looking back at it. He doesn’t cry, but he wipes his nose on his sleeve like he might. I let him have his moment. Then I open the passenger door, buckling him in like he’s made of glass.
We’re halfway to the city before I realize he hasn’t said a word since we started driving.
I glance over and find him staring out the window, shoulders hunched, knees curled up to his chest as far as the seatbelt will allow. Rabbit is clutched in one arm and the sippy cup in the other.
“Hey,” I say, nudging his knee. “You okay?”
He nods. Doesn’t look at me. “Yeah.”
“You don’t sound it.”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell me.”
He shrugs, twisting Rabbit’s ear in endless circles. “It’s like… I don’t know what to do now. I know you want me; I know you won’t leave me. But it feels like maybe… maybe this is where it should have ended.”
“Should have ended?” I repeat, heartbeat skipping. “What are you trying to say, Kamden?”
He blushes, fidgeting. “You saved me here. What if when we get home everything goes back to normal? Will I go back to work at the grocery store and bring Mom dinner after my shifts? What if you don’t have time for me anymore? What if you realize you don’t want me after all?”
