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He met her eyes. “Yes. That’s what I reckon happened to your text, the one that never arrived.”
“Wow,” Maya said, trying to tone down her response so that she didn’t put him offside. “That is out of order.”
“I know.”
But the intonation of his voice indicated he wasn’t sure, as if he needed it validated.
Maya kept her gaze meshed with his. “Going through your partner’s phone without permission is wrong. Full stop. And deleting their messages is unforgivable.”
She hoped saying that wouldn’t cause him to pull away, the way he’d done with Liv in the past. Her shoulders relaxed as his face took on a relieved expression.
“Did she apologize for it?” she asked.
Sam appeared to think for a moment. “No. She didn’t admit it at all. Just started yelling at me about what a terrible person I was to accuse her, and that everybody knew it, plus no one knows why she stays with me because I hold her back.”
He seemed about to say more, but then he stopped.
“But . . . she didn’t deny it?”
He opened his mouth, then glanced away. “No. She didn’t.” Frowning, he met her eyes again. “Though I hadn’t even appreciated that until you asked.”
Maya turned fully onto her side so that she was facing him directly. “Sam. That’s called gaslighting.”
He shuffled over to mirror her. “What do you mean?”
Her instinct was to be cautious after he was short with her the other morning. But taking a hit was something she could cope with if it helped him recognize toxic behaviors, so she plowed on. “It’s a form of emotional abuse, whereby the partner who’s the perpetrator makes the other one question their thoughts or suspicions. And deflecting from themselves when they’ve done something wrong—making the other person think they’re in the wrong instead—is an example of that behavior.”
Sam looked away, and Maya’s heart rate picked up. Perhaps she’d been too blunt, made him angry with her.
He swallowed. “Shit.” Meeting her gaze again, he nodded. “That’s the sort of stuff my dad used to pull with Mum.”
The sledgehammer hit that Sam’s relationship situation was related to his experience with his dad, and she wondered how she hadn’t seen it before. Sam was his mum in this scenario, and Cat his father. In addition, Sam’s abandonment issues and fear of rejection, which fueled him staying with Cat, were a result of his dad’s behavior toward the family.
She squeezed his hand, guilty that she’d blamed him for choosing Cat in the past when the real issue was he’d fallen in with someone toxic who was the worst person for him given his history and vulnerabilities. Although Maya hadn’t known that at the time—she’d been friends with Cat up until that point and was only now realizing the extent of the woman’s toxicity.
Sam rolled onto his back, keeping hold of Maya’s hand as he gazed at the sky again. Maya appreciated the chance to have him so near her for a few seconds, then went onto her back, thinking she should keep a distance, and joined him in the stargazing.
She kept silent, aware that he’d had enough revelations for one evening. One step at a time.
Chapter
Sixteen
Waiting on the corner, Sam craned his neck to see if Maya was approaching. When she’d suggested making a walking route out of all their favorite contenders for the Christmas lights competition, he’d been delighted. A little Christmas cheer was just what the doctor ordered.
Until now Sam would have avoided getting close with any female acquaintances in order to maintain a stress-free existence. He’d socialize with Vicky and his other female colleagues while at work but then keep his distance—only seeing them when Cat was with him. But that wasn’t an option with Maya. Cat wouldn’t be up for hanging out, and the idea of not seeing Maya was abhorrent.
The issue of the deleted text passed through his mind. During his lunch break he’d googled gaslighting, and it had led to some reading on the kinds of personalities that used it. He’d also called in to see his mum and surreptitiously mentioned it to her. Angus had been there, and Sam had taken Angus up on his offer to leave the room while Sam had a chat with her. He felt bad for chasing Angus out of what was now his own living room. But Sam still couldn’t fully trust Angus not to bolt from their lives and so was wary of involving him in Sam’s vulnerabilities.
Tara had known what gaslighting was, commenting that she’d seen it in action with the twins’ father. If his mum had questioned any of his dad’s bad behavior, his dad made it look as if she were being unreasonable. Nagging and overemotional were some of the terms he’d used. He’d also used a lot of paranoid and jealous when Tara had suspected him of cheating.
The case was becoming more concrete by the minute and what he had to do, even more clear. But Cat was still avoiding him, staying at her mum’s and leaving all of his messages—telling her they needed to sit down and talk—unanswered. Perhaps he should just turn up at her parents’ house unannounced? Though the idea of them being around for the discussion left him cold.
Salvation from his dark thoughts arrived when Maya strolled round the corner through the snow, carrying two cups and looking gorgeous in her down jacket and woolly hat. She was the only person he knew who could practically saunter in snow. Everyone else crunched along with a high step, resembling a horse performing dressage.
He’d been taken aback to hear that she wanted to be a ski instructor full-time, after the derogatory things she’d said about his career choice in the past. He hadn’t voiced his surprise the previous evening, when they’d been stargazing, because it would’ve been selfish to harp on the past when they’d been talking about her issues with her family. They’d both changed a lot since they were teenagers, and Maya had no doubt moved past the snobbish career ideas her father had instilled in her when she was younger.
Flashing him a grin, she closed the distance between them and kissed his cheek, sending a surge of heat through his body despite the freezing temperature.
