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I shrugged, grabbing my shoes. “It’s no problem.”

She paused for a beat, then flashed me a grateful smile before she joined me in getting shoes on, then grabbing her jacket and handbag.

I took her hand again as we crossed the street. I think more for my benefit than hers. I needed her to feel the contact with me, to know I was there to support her and I wouldn’t be leaving until I knew she was okay.

I hurried inside to get hold of my car keys and, as an afterthought, grabbed my coat. I hadn’t even felt the cold winter air wearing just my T-shirt, too distracted by my concern for Nisa.

We got into my car and set off for the hospital. I glanced at Nisa’s troubled face and wished I could make whatever this was go away.

20

Nisa

I HATED BEING on this side of things. The patient/​relative side, I mean. I wasn’t terribly good at it.

Seb had told us what ward Aisha would be going to, so we had made our way straight there and were currently in a tiny relatives’ room just off the ward, tired-​looking tinsel strung around the walls and a lopsided Christmas tree in the corner. Every time a member of staff bustled past in the corridor, I felt a strange mix of empathy for their harassed demeanor and envy that I wasn’t there working alongside them instead of being stuck in this little room not knowing what the situation with Aisha was.

I paced the room, unable to settle, my gaze catching where Kerr sat patiently on a chair in the corner, watching me wear a hole in the linoleum.

“How’re you doing?” he asked me in that velvety-​smooth voice. I was sure it must form part of his success as a vet, that soft bass thrumming into the animal’s psyche and calming them down. We hadn’t spoken much on the journey up, what with him concentrating on getting us here as quickly and safely as possible and me struggling to curb my brain from catastrophizing. The only time I tend to be quiet is when I’m truly freaking out about something. But during that journey, every time I felt myself reaching peak freak-​out, he would utter a reassuring phrase and my fear would tamp down a little.

There was something about Kerr Murdoch that made me believe everything would be okay if he said it would be.

I paused my laps of the tiny room to answer him. “I just want to know what’s happening, either way. I can’t stand the uncertainty. If I know the situation, I can deal with it.”

He nodded. “Hopefully not too much longer. The nurse said she’d let Seb know we were here. I’m sure he’ll come out soon to update us.” He patted the seat next to him, and I took it as he glanced at his watch. “And it’ll be visiting time before too long and then we’ll get in to see her.” He glanced up. “That is, you’ll get in to see her, I mean. I can wait here for you.”

I shook my head. “I’d like you to come too.” Then I paused, realizing that was rather presumptuous and forward. In this kind of situation Drew would have begrudged driving me here, and there was no way he’d want to wait with me on the ward even if he had. So it was unfair of me to assume anything of Kerr. “That is, you don’t have to. You don’t even have to wait for me. I’m sure you’re anxious to get home.”

His brows drew together. “There’s no way I’m leaving here until you’re satisfied that you know everything you need to, and I’m certainly not traveling back without you.”

My breath caught in my throat, my heart feeling like it was too big for my chest. Not just at the sentiment that he was here for me, but at the intimation that his doing so was a foregone conclusion. The little seed of doubt that had been forming about Drew’s behavior toward me during our relationship sprouted further, sending new branches into my psyche. I had been so sure that he was the perfect husband, but had I been wearing rose-​tinted spectacles? Kerr had done so much more for me in a matter of days, and he and I had hated each other only a week ago. And what he had said about Drew earlier, in my kitchen—​it was as if hearing him voice his opinions on Drew had validated my little seed, giving it water to flourish.

“Thank you,” I said, my voice wobbling a little.

He took my hand gently, giving it a squeeze. “It’s no problem.”

His hand was warm and strong around mine, and I found myself needing to tell him everything. Thus far a mix of acute stress regarding the situation and reluctance to burden him with it all had stopped me. But he was so easy to talk to, and I now realized that just because Drew didn’t like to hear me “wittering on,” as he’d always put it, that didn’t mean Kerr was the same.

“When we were kids, Aisha got sick,” I told him, studying my hand wrapped up inside his strong fingers. “She was tired all the time and getting more and more pale, so Mum and Dad took her to the doctor’s and they organized some blood tests. She was really anemic and had abnormal white cell counts. She was investigated urgently at the hospital and diagnosed with leukemia.” I paused to take a breath, glancing over to find his dark chocolate–​colored eyes on me.

“Jesus,” he said gently. “That must have been so awful for all of you.”

I nodded. “Obviously, everything turned out well, in the end. She had treatment and eventually went into remission. But the journey was painfully hard for her. And my parents. And I still remember the day we got the phone call from the doctor after that first test, saying she was severely anemic . . .”

Understanding registered in his eyes. “Much like the phone call you had today.”

“Yes,” I said, feeling as if my insides were shaking with terror. “I’ve lived in fear since then that it might happen again. Getting that call today was my worst nightmare come true.”

“Listen,” he said, lifting his other hand to gently turn my face to his. I took in those little flecks of lighter brown in his irises. Like milk chocolate studded within the dark. The rough graze of his fingers on my jaw was comforting. “We don’t know what’s going on yet. She’s anemic again, but there must be a multitude of reasons why that might be. So we’ll find out what’s happening, and hopefully it won’t be the worst-​case scenario. But even if it is, we’ll deal with it. Okay?”

I searched his face, the empathy and concern etched there, and took a breath. He was right. There was no point in spiraling. What-​ifs weren’t going to help anybody. I knew this—​it would be what I would say to my own patients. But my emotions were getting the better of me and robbing me of my objectivity. Lucky for me that I had Kerr to ground me, in an empathetic manner that Drew had never been capable of. “Okay,” I told him.

He gave me a smile that warmed the dark of his eyes with that tempered chocolate sheen. I was pretty sure that any woman who looked into Kerr Murdoch’s eyes would believe anything he had to say.

“Kerr, I need to say something.”

That cute little furrow appeared between his brows, and it made me want to smooth it out with my thumb.