Page 81 of The Christmas Competition

“Hm,” I said, eyeing him. “I think I’ll miss you too much. So I might need to come to Auchness instead.” I arched an eyebrow. “Maybe I’ll be dressed in a sexy Mrs. Claus outfit, to give you a present.”

He let out a slow breath. “Okay, I’m definitely leaving now, because you’re already distracting me.”

He turned to go and I let out a loud laugh, already getting my phone out to see if I could order the outfit in time to be delivered before next week.

Kerr

I WAS PRACTICALLY whistling as I strutted around the kitchen, preparing my morning coffee. Life was good. I had taken a baby step by telling Nisa how I felt, just like Greg had advised me—and also Ranjeeta, in a less helpful way.

I had admitted to Nisa that I really liked her, and she had said she really liked me back. Plus, she’d jumped at the chance to go on a weekend away together, which I took as a good sign.

I paused to sip my coffee, and a dark voice at the back of my mind piped up. But you told her that you really, really liked her, more than you’d liked anyone before. And she only said that she really, really liked you. Which means that she has liked someone better than you in the past—Drew.

I shook my head to force the voice out, nearly sloshing my coffee over the side of the mug in the process. No. She wasn’t going to leave me. This time, I was enough. Nisa had told me as much.

I went to the living room, peering across the dark, snow-covered street to her front door. I bit my lip, heart rate rising. Perhaps writing that message in the snow on her front lawn had been a mistake. I’d snuck out earlier and carved it into the snow before I could chicken out, and it lay there looking up at her house, for her eyes only. I love you it said, and would be illuminated by the motion-sensor light on her doorstep once she stepped over the threshold.

For a split second, I debated running over and covering it back up again. But I held fast. Greg said to be honest about my feelings. To take a chance. That’s what I’m doing.

I headed back to the kitchen to finish my coffee and grab some cereal, then packed some stuff into my rucksack as I got a quick catch-up on the weather forecast on the radio. There were a couple of nearby farms I needed to visit today, and I wanted to check that they were still accessible in the snow.

Satisfied that I should make it in my Range Rover, I turned the radio off and snuck back into the living room to grab one last glance through the window, and maybe catch a glimpse of Nisa seeing my message. Hopefully I’d get to witness her reaction of genuine delight.

Instead, I was greeted by the image of Drew, illuminated on Nisa’s doorstep, with Nisa in the doorway. They were having some sort of discussion.

Ice formed in my veins as I watched him say something to her. I tried to read her expression, hoping to see anger there—or disgust. But she merely appeared shocked.

Should I go over there? Check that she was okay? Or would I be intruding on a private conversation? After all, she didn’t appear distressed.

My heart rate ramped up as another couple of seconds passed, a sickening sensation swirling in my gut. Then, just as I felt overwhelmed with it, Drew slid a hand behind Nisa’s head, pulling her into a kiss.

Bile rose in my throat as my heart dropped into my gut and I whipped my head to the side, gripping the doorframe and leaning into the hallway. A wave of intense nausea crashed over me so hard I thought I might lose my breakfast.

My head began to spin, so I crouched low for a minute, trying to get some air into my constricted lungs. Shit. It’s happening again.

I tried to ignore that dark voice from earlier, which was now saying I told you so over and over until the words crescendoed and fused into a deafening roar.

I managed to heave in a couple of breaths, trying to get it together. But it was difficult when I was being bombarded not only by mental images of what I’d just witnessed, but of looking in my mum’s wardrobe and seeing all her clothes gone. Of coming home to an empty house for the first time after Dad died, along with any chance I’d had to reconcile with my last living relative.

Get it together.

I grabbed the doorframe and rose to my feet, mentally switching on my autopilot and taking another breath before calling on my years of training in emotional suppression.

I gathered my stuff to leave for work, imagining the crack in my psychological armor, carved by Nisa, filling up with impenetrable steel.

I wasn’t heartbroken, because I wasn’t capable of it. Aileen had told me as much, as had all my girlfriends before her. I didn’t care enough to get heartbroken, because I wasn’t enough, which is exactly why Nisa was back with Drew. Never mind what I’d written in the snow; it would melt away soon when the temperature rose, as fickle as the feelings I’d thought Nisa might be developing for me.

Regardless, I snuck a glance out the small window in the front door before I opened it, ensuring they were gone before I left the house for my car. There was no one there, and, with a pulse of grief, I realized that my message to Nisa in the snow had been blotted out. Like someone had stamped all over it, the way my heart felt stamped on.

I drove off to the farm, shutting the line of communication between my heart and my head.

Nisa

I GRABBED THE phone before I could change my mind again, dialing Aisha’s number and not hanging up this time. I had been trying to make this call since Kerr had left yesterday afternoon, the painting all finished and his joggers all dry. I was determined to do it before I left for work this morning, because I didn’t want it hanging over me all day.