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“That does sound like Cap.”

I sighed but didn’t immediately deny it. They were right. She was so upset about the loss and blaming herself, I didn’t want to stress her out by bringing up the trip. If it was between getting her to Italy or getting her to keep trying to make our relationship work, it was a clear choice.

But if I was being honest, I wanted to spend the trip with Leah. Ricci and Taylor had made a lot of good points for why she should come, specifically this being the only trip we’ll be able to take without a kid around.

“Think about it this way, man,” Taylor said. “If there was something she wanted you to go to, but didn’t say anything about it because it’d be an inconvenience or something, how would you feel?”

I sat in the back of the Destin Elementary cafeteria, which apparently doubled as their auditorium, and felt insanely out of place. A lot of the parents were in slacks or business casual wear, a few of the women wearing nicer dresses. I’m guessing most adults came right from work or dressed up for the event. Meanwhile I was in something I called elevated sweatpants; they had the cut of slacks but were made with cotton. Plus I wasn’t holding up a phone like nearly every other adult in the room.

Instead I was holding a couple dozen flowers for Leah and her kids that I should have delivered before the show. In an attempt to surprise her, I arrived at the time when parents were told to come, which meant she was in the back and apparently needed to stay there the whole show. Based on how the few kids in the audience behaved, it seemed likely she had to be back there to keep them from getting rowdy. A couple of, I assumed brothers, in the row in front of me had a mini wrestling match during each transition. They even called out move names and whispered during the performances about what kind of costumes their wrestler characters would wear.

It made me excited to be a father, to have my own little hooligan to settle down during important events.

When Leah and her class stepped up to the stage, I was overwhelmed with immense gratefulness that she was the one I got to raise a child with. Not once did she take her eyes off the kids. She watched and guided them every second they were on stage, doing—admittedly painful—renditions of Christmas songs on recorders. But the high-pitched notes didn’t break her focus, motioning for the distracted students to pay attention or at least pretend they were playing along with the softest expression on her face.

I’d thought Leah would be a great mom when she first told me she was pregnant. She was so set on doing this on her own, so certain. There’d been hesitancy, of course, but never doubt. And I’d been in awe of that self-assuredness, but seeing her with kids … I could see where it came from. Leah was great with them and I was the luckiest man in the world to get to raise a child with her.

When the show was over and the kids had been shepherded to parents or after school programs, Leah finally came over to me with a little smirk.

“I brought flowers for you and the kids,” I said before she could admonish me for coming to her event before my next tournament. I held out the bouquets of hodgepodge flowers I’d gotten on my way here. The store didn’t have enough of any one flower, so I went with a wide variety of lilies and roses and daises and others I didn’t know the names of.

“The kids who just left for the rest of the day?” she asked, cocking her head to the side, voice light and teasing.

“Yeah, I didn’t realize this was a half day.” I scratched the back of my head, heat warming my cheeks. “I checked the website to get the start time, but I should’ve read further.”

“It’s all right, more flowers for me.” She plucked one bouquet from my hands and held it against her chest, taking a deep inhale. “Mmm, the baby likes floral scents.”

“Did they kick?” I straightened my shoulders and moved to touch her stomach, but she smacked my hand away.

“No, just a vibe thing. They don’t kick that often. At least not yet. And actually, I’m a little miffed at you.” Her eyebrows pinched together and she pointed a finger at me. “Did you skip any work plans to come here?”

I held up my free hand in surrender. “No, I did my workout earlier than normal so I could come.”

“And you still checked in with the counselor this week?” Leah dropped her pointing hand and grabbed my elbow, leading me out of the cafeteria and down the hall toward her classroom.

It might be too soon to say after such a big dip in confidence in our relationship, but this felt normal. Showing up to her school for events or lunch during offseason, walking down the hall together, arm in arm, chatting about work, checking in on each other. A normal day, our normal day.

“They weren’t available this week, but I made an appointment early next month. How about you?”

“Ugh, I finally found this lady whose profile I liked, she specializes in PTSD and anxiety, she had LGBT-friendly language on the site, but she’s not taking any new patients. So I closed all my research tabs in frustration.”

I pulled Leah closer and kissed her cheek.

“Look again tomorrow, all right?” I said, but as soon as the words were out, I regretted them. Because tomorrow was my flight out to Milan. “Or actually, maybe not.”

“No?” Leah questioned, just as we turned into her classroom.

“Well, I know you don’t want to go to Italy because of how things went at the last game, but …” I took a second work the lump in my throat out. “I want you to come.”

“But we haven’t found a balance yet, Niall,” she said, my name extra soft on her lips before dropping my arm to walk to her desk and fiddle with her things.

“I think we have,” I argued, which made her snort.

“It’s been”—she paused to count on her hand—“four days. How could you have figured out a balance that quickly?”

“It’s not tested, but …” I trailed off, shrugging. I knew what I needed to say, I’d grown that much at least. But knowing I needed her support at the game and saying it were two different things. I wanted to provide for and support her, I liked being that person for people and I wanted to be that person for her most of all.

Which was probably why I didn’t say anything about my championship preparations or lack thereof. I was stuck in the "you couldn’t provide support if you asked for it" mindset.