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Fitzwilliam Darcy An Honourable Man

Page 166

by Brenda J. Webb

I blush to consider what you would think if you learned that I used that endearment in regards to you. But use it I shall, as I know you will never read these tender words from my contrite heart.

I am equally confident that it would shock you to find that your words have kept me sane during my long ordeal. I have been allowed no correspondence with my dear Jane, and your letter has been my only connection with one who cares for me—or once did. How often have I read it with the deepest of regrets!

I confess that I cared for you from our earliest acquaintance, and your statement that I was merely “tolerable” hurt me deeply. Thus wounded, I set out to find fault with your every deed. But no matter the number of imperfections that I laid at your feet, you always conducted yourself like a gentleman—even when you realised that I had heard the remark and apologised with kindness. Would that I had considered that kindness before I rejected your offer!

For after refusing your offer and returning to Longbourn, I was bargained to a man of no scruples, no kindness—a man I cannot respect—by my own mother. His hands never reach to me in kindness but instead are weapons used to force my submission. Even as he echoes my mother’s words of my unworthiness to be a gentleman’s wife, I have only to read this letter to be reminded that you once found me worthy of being yours. Reaffirmation of my value from a good and decent man has kept me from ending it all, though I was very near doing so many times. So, you see, you have been my saviour unawares.

I cannot say why I felt a great need to pen this reply. I suppose it eases my conscience in a small way, and I would beg you to indulge my folly were it possible to speak to you.

I can only end my letter in the same benevolent manner as you did your own. I ask the Lord to bless you, kind sir.

Elizabeth

By the time William had read the letter completely, tears threatened, and he swallowed hard to keep them in check. Glancing down upon the beautiful face of his wife, his heart shattered anew for all she had endured because of his failure to act. He leaned down to press a soft kiss on her forehead, and in her sleep, she smiled. The serenity on her face brought him a small measure of comfort, and he closed his eyes to make a vow.

Never again my love! Never shall you know the pain of not being loved and cared for—as long as I live! I swear this to you!

As though she had heard his silent oath, Elizabeth was staring up at him when he opened his eyes again. Her brows furrowed as in a sleepy voice, she whispered, “Whatever is the matter?”

Unhappy that he had once again caused her to worry, he pulled her back up and into his embrace with such intensity that she could barely breathe. Overcome with emotion, he murmured hoarsely, “Have I told you today how much I love you, Elizabeth Darcy? How much I have always loved you?”

Lying against his chest, his rapidly beating heart drumming in her ear, Elizabeth discerned the need in his voice and clasped him tighter. “You have, my darling, but I long to hear it again.”

Subsequently bestowing warm kisses over every conceivable place on her face and neck, he whispered the words she never tired of hearing between each token of his affection. “I love you. I shall always love you.”

When at last he found her mouth, he made a great effort to control his ardour, kissing her tenderly then situating her under his chin and gently running his hands up and down her back. Comprehending that he was trying to find the words to speak, Elizabeth lay perfectly still against him. Shortly thereafter, William began to share with her how he had found the letter and read her reply. Once finished, he lifted her chin so that he could look into the dark brown pools that had imprisoned his heart so long ago, willing her to understand.

“I realise now that there was never a moment that I did not love you, Elizabeth, though I was too stubborn and foolish to admit it. Be assured that I will love you until the last breath leaves my body. No! If God allows, I shall love you better after death—even throughout eternity!”

She wept, too affected to speak for some time, and finally murmured brokenly, “I never dreamed you would read what I wrote, but it is true. I loved you from our first encounter, and in spite of the terrible consequences of my refusal, my love and respect for you never wavered—nor shall it ever.”

The rest of the journey was punctuated by kisses and whispered endearments, which kept them well occupied until they caught up with the rest of their party at the last inn they would inhabit before reaching Pemberley.

Netherfield

The Drawing Room

“Janie!” Charles shouted, hurrying into the room with a letter held high in the air. “We have heard from Darcy! The count is dead, and the long ordeal is over! Lizzy is safe at last!”

“Thank the Lord!” Jane exclaimed leaping to her feet. “When are we to see Lizzy?”

Charles read over the missive again as Jane waited impatiently. “According to Darcy, they will marry in Liverpool and then return to Pemberley. In fact, they are most likely already man and wife as we speak!”

Charles ended his speech in front of his wife, where he picked her up, swung her around, and kissed her soundly before putting her down. Suddenly realising what he had done, he stopped abruptly to peruse her swollen belly. “Forgive me! Did I hurt you? Are you and the child well?”

“Nonsense!” she replied, giggling with happiness. “I am not fragile, Charles. Now, permit me to read what William has written.”

Charles handed over the letter, content to watch his wife’s eyes light up as they followed each line. “How romantic! It seems that Lizzy was the instigator. She did not want to wait to be married, and fortunately, Mr. Williamson was in attendance. Oh, we must go to Pemberley straightaway so I can see her now that she is well!”

Promptly heading towards the door, she spoke aloud to herself. “I have so much to do—packing to oversee, letters to write, people to inform, and deciding what I shall bring for Peter.”

As she continued, naming everything that she had to accomplish, Charles called out to her, causing her to stop in mid-stride. With a small amount of annoyance, she turned to learn just what her husband needed while she was so busily planning. The twinkle in his eye surprised her, and he chuckled softly at her dismay. She was not amused, lifting one eyebrow in a show of displeasure.

“Perhaps you would like to take Peter back to the nursery before you begin?”

Jane’s gaze immediately dropped to the large basket of clothes sitting next to the sofa. It contained items that needed mending, and she had been working on them when he arrived. On top of the clothes lay her firstborn, fast asleep. Blushing to think that she might have forgotten him, she hurried back to the basket. Never intending to allow her to pick him up in her condition, Charles took up the task. Peter never stirred as his father lifted him, holding the babe gently to his chest while he snored lightly.

“How could I have forgotten one so dear?” Jane lamented, softly stroking her baby’s angelic face.