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Elian reached through the remaining vines, grabbing her wrist. “You should stay inside. It’s not safe for you to be out alone.”
“Says the one who is actually outside!”
Elian flashed her a lopsided grin. “Good thing I have you to protect me.” His eyes dipped to his hand, still resting on her wrist. He let go, tucking his hands behind his back and leaving a chill edging along the skin he had once touched. “How are you feeling?”
Thicket traced the length of a fallen astromeia vine, eyes falling away from his. “How am I supposed to feel?”
“However you want to.”
Thicket’s throat constricted, becoming just as petrified as she had been when she looked into the blue jay’s eyes and felt her sister watching through them.
Is this perhaps because you are doubting your precious princess?
Her fingers stumbled across a thorn. The sharp point sliced the tip, deep enough to sting—but not to draw blood. She curled her hand into a fist, trying to block out the memory of the blood dripping from her neck and the way it had felt as Lavender smeared it across her skin.
You will never be enough.
“Would it be selfish of me to say I’m scared?”
Elian lay his hand over hers. “I don’t think that is selfish at all.”
She looked up, breath catching as she realized how close he had gotten. Only inches separated them, their noses practically touching. His blue eyes were deeper than she was used to seeing them, as though they had drank up all the darkness, leaving them to bask in the gentle glow emanating from the lampposts behind him.
“I think it is one of the most real, relatable things you have ever said.”
Electricity danced in the space between. Elian’s eyes squinted even further as he leaned in.
He had done this once before. At the time, she had mistaken it as an attempt to kiss her. She held her breath, wondering if this time their lips would meet.
His breath fanned against her face. Thicket couldn’t speak. Could barely breathe.
“I almost forgot,” he said, pulling away, leaving her breathless and just a tad bit dizzy. Elian crouched below the window. When he straightened, he was holding a picnic basket. He lifted the flap and a delicious aroma wafted through her window, filling her nose with notes of gravy mingled with a mellow herb mix that made her mouth water.
“Are those—”
“The meat pies?” He rubbed a sheepish hand behind his head. “I went ahead and grabbed it after I saw you this morning. I thought we could slip off together after the Pyre and eat, but…” he trailed off.
“Things got in the way again?”
He laughed but it sounded strained. “Yeah.” He licked his lips, glancing down as though he could no longer manage the weight it took to meet her eyes. “I know you have a lot going on,” he said. “And I want you to know I don’t expect anything from you. We can take as much time as you need to get to know one another.”
He set the basket down and closed the flap. It was then she noticed a velvet bow tied to the handle, holding a single rose.
Her lips parted and she glanced up at him, brows furrowed. The last time Elian brought her flowers was when he had put his feelings for her aside and told her he was okay with just being her friend. “Elian—”
“But,” he continued, finally looking up at her, eyes slanted as he did his best to fight through the blur of his eyes, “I still want to be there for you. In any way you need.” There was a vulnerability she hadn’t seen from him before.
Elian had always been open and never made her question how he truly felt. It was one of the qualities she liked about him most.
She wanted more than anything for this to work. To finally experience the kind of love she always craved. Elian was exactly the kind of person she dreamed of. Caring, supportive—someone who would stay by her side no matter what. Yet he was almost too considerate of her.
It was easy to forget just how much he had lost.
He had been stripped from his home, forced to remain trapped in a foreign place with strangers who treated him as less than. He had lost the opportunity to grow up with his family. And, he had even lost her when she woke up without memories.
Ever since meeting him, she had been pulling away. Getting in her head about whether or not she liked him or should be with him, worrying about what to call him and how to act. She didn’t know what they had been before she lost her memories. She didn’t truly know what they were now. But she had been the one who said she wanted to give their relationship a try. A relationship was built from the effort of two people, not just one. She needed to stop overthinking and give Elian—and herself—a chance.
She owed him that much.