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15
AUSTIN
It didn’t takea rocket scientist to figure out that Rosi watched the press conference. Maybe part of me wanted her to, so she’d see what an ass I really was. It worked. Not a single comm had come from her all week, and we didn’t so much as run in to each other in the halls. Though to be fair, I’d been hiding in my suite most of that time. Since the anti-grav track proved detrimental to my health and wellbeing, I decided to work with yoga and various free weights here. Nicole ordered me a climbing machine as well, which came in handy, moving like an old-fashioned stair climber but changing footholds in all directions at increasing time intervals.
Having finished with my cardio, I started my stretches, but my mind refused to quiet. Rosi was all I could think about. Her beautiful smile, the sounds she made while we fucked, her sugary taste…
I climbed the wall with my bare feet until I stood with my hands and balanced, holding the pose. I’d gotten the distance I wanted, so why was I so miserable? That night with her should’ve been enough to hold me over for another full year of focus without sex. Maybe it was too good. Maybe I was addicted to her body. It had to be her body because I wasn’t willing to accept the idea of being addicted to her soul. Relationships were not something that fit in my lifestyle.
Feelingswere not something that fit in my lifestyle. And she’d provoked too many of them—more than I’d allowed myself in the last five years.
“Fuck.” I let my legs fall over and squatted upright. Grabbing my hydropod, I squeezed the remainder into my dry mouth and finished it. One thing was for certain, she’d gotten in my head and disrupted my ability to focus.
At least there hadn’t been any more tech issues since the press conference.
Breathe,I demanded, sitting in a lotus position.
In, two, three, four…
Why can’t I get her out of my head?
The wrinkled face of Tenzin Yeshe Rinpoche appeared in my mind with a look that said, “You are not focused.”
I’m trying, Lama.
“We must first release what troubles us before we can be free.”
Trust me, I’ve released her. She wouldn’t come near me again if I begged.
My teacher’s lips turned down ever so slightly as he shook his head. Not bury or run. Release. Each experience is a lesson. You are refusing your lesson. Now focus.
The words rang in my brain as my eyes popped open. I let out a frustrated sigh. I wished I could speak to the real Rinpoche, not just the one in my head, but it wasn’t like I could fly to Tibet and back before tomorrow’s excursion. Part of me hoped Rosi’d cancel it and refuse to be near me. But I knew that was wishful thinking—or according to my own mind—avoidance thinking. Rosi would never give up her plans to search for evidence of cryptids just to avoid me. She was driven, and I appreciated that about her.
A hot shower would help, I decided and relaxed the moment the warmth hit my muscles. Then for the hundredth time, I wondered what she’d been up to for the past days. Had she thought of me?
“Aaarrgh!” I rubbed my hands over my face, splattering water. Why did it matter if I wanted to avoid her? Not that another night or four of mind-blowing sex wouldn’t be welcome, but the feels I’d started to get were a huge no-no. That would only lead to complications and trouble and…what if it ended like it had with Sara?
The sudden burst of cold water made me jump from the shower and slide across the floor a good foot. What the fuck? I hadn’t allowed myself to think of that name in almost five years without my guard up, and then the hot water shut off the moment I did?
Standing soaking wet and naked in the bathroom, I froze. There hadn’t been an incident since the press conference. Every single thing that had happened did so when I was around, specifically when I had a big emotional response I couldn’t control. I’d gone to Tibet for the first time after Sara had drowned, and the monks, especially Tenzin Yeshe, had helped me through the mourning process by teaching me meditation and other techniques. And it had worked wonders until—
Until I met Rosi.
My laugh echoed in the small shower cavern. “Don’t be a dumbass, Austin.” There was no way what I’d been thinking was possible, that I’d held in my energy and now it was powerful enough to affect the tech around me. I wasn’t Buddha—did he have that ability? I didn’t think so…
Turning off the shower, I decided to get dressed and go for a walk. Maybe I’d find something to distract myself. Whether it really was me causing the issues or not, the last thing I wanted was for more thoughts of Sara to surface. When it came to her, I had no doubts who was at fault.
