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“I’m the biggest idiot in the world,” I said, gaze now fixed on Rosi.
She turned to face me, eyebrows raised in challenge.
“Rosi, I can’t stop thinking about you. I agreed to help Nicole with her farce of a news conference, but everything I said was idiotic.”
“What I just heard: Rosi, I can’t stop thinking with my dick, so now I regret being an asshole.”
I fell to my knees before her as the hellipod jolted slightly. “I deserve that and more. But it’s not my dick that’s suffering, it’s my heart.”
“Wow,” she said with a bitter laugh. She looked up at the ceiling of the pod, eyes shining with unshed tears. At least I knew she felt something too. Then she started slowly clapping.
Swallowing back the rush of hurt, I grasped her hands in mine, making her stop and pay attention. She didn’t pull away as the hellipod tilted west to come around for another scan of the area.
“There’s got to be something I can do to prove I mean it.”
“Why’d you do it if you really feel that way? Didn’t you tell me you were on my side? That I could trust you?” she asked, sarcasm gone and pain in its place.
I winced and made a decision in that moment. I chose to try to fix things with Rosi, knowing it might be too late, and knowing I was being selfish. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Step one was to answer her questions.
“Why did I do it? Two reasons. First, I was scared that Nicole wouldn’t honor our deal because she thought I was some sort of spy.”
“You hurt me, Austin. You deliberately made a fool out of me. You could have ruined my reputation—my career. So, you have one last chance. What’s the other reason?” She bit her lip, waiting.
I hesitated. She was right and deserved the truth. But I hadn’t said it out loud in years, and it was harder to admit than I thought it would be. I settled on a vague compromise, hoping it would be enough.
“I wanted to scare you off for your own good.”
Rosi scoffed yet didn’t pull away from my hands. “What makes you think it’s for my own good? Don’t I get to decide that, pendejo?”
“Of course you do! I just…I’ve hurt people, okay? It’s not safe to be with me like that!” I stood and yanked my hand away and shoved it through my hair, pacing and trying to breathe but finding it hard to get air.
The pod lurched, pulling to the side. It dumped my ass on the bench and Rosi on top of me with a scream. I held her tightly around the waist as my head cleared and my training went into gear, commanding me to assess the situation and take control. Judging from the angle and force, the pod was going down.
I cradled Rosi in an attempt to take some of the impact and found myself centimeters from her, swathed in her vanilla scent. The chances of survival were iffy, and all the training I had told me to focus on our position. But if I was about to die, there was only one thing I wanted.
So I kissed her.