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“You may have to take off your pants too,” I said, reaching for another RR injection for lack of other options. That had to hurt like hell.

“Whether I want to admit it or not, Jackson was right,” Austin said through a hiss as I pressed the meds into him. “All of the tech issues happen when I’m around.”

I grabbed an ointment that I’d scooped up with everything else while trying to be patient with him. “Correlation doesn’t equal causation, Austin.”

“There’s more to it, Rosi. Nearby electronics go wonky when my emotions are out of control.”

I smoothed the ointment gently onto the bottom bruise and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. I wanted to dismiss his theory, but wasn’t that what people had always done to me? Maybe there was something to what he suggested. Stranger things had happened.

“Tell me more,” I said instead, guiding him down onto his side over the emergency blankets he’d laid out and lying to face him. At the very least, this was a good distraction for both of us with who knew what out there somewhere. His expression melted into relief, demonstrating I’d made the right decision.

“You make a great doctor, Rosi,” he said in his low, vibrating, panty-soaking voice. “And an amazing friend. That’s why you deserve better than me.”

Clearly, it was time to finish what we’d started discussing before the crash, because I didn’t believe that for one second. I cupped his face, running my thumb over the coarse, blond stubble and waited for him to continue.

“Her name was Sara,” he said, and my thumb stilled on his cheek.

I wasn’t expecting that.

“Okay,” I said, “keep going.”

He smiled wistfully. “She was my sister.”

Oh. My thumb resumed stroking. Did he say was, as in past tense?

“We used to compete in everything together. She beat my best times more often than not. She was better at just about everything. Five years ago, we went to Niagara Falls. We ziplined, we hiked, it was great. Until we decided to run the gorge in a kayak.”

I swiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye as he took a breath.

“Sara wanted to steer. We argued, and as usual, she won. But when the current became too much, I fought her instincts and instead of following her lead, I tried to take over. I was sure I was right. Ultimately, we were both too stubborn to let the other take charge, even though I’d agreed ahead of time.” He stopped to sob, his face straining with the weight of something he’d carried for far too long.

I stroked his head and held him at the crook of my neck while he shook. When he quieted, I pulled away and studied him, my heart breaking for him. I knew enough to understand that two people trying to steer a tandem kayak was bad news. They were experts, but they’d let their sibling rivalry get in the way of common sense.

“It was my hubris that killed her, Rosi. She died because I couldn’t control my emotions. I couldn’t ignore my own instincts even when it made things worse.”

I shook my head. “Austin, it was a horrible accident. She could have stopped and listened or let you take over too. It isn’t all on you.”

He smiled like he didn’t believe me but appreciated the words. “I knew after that I had to do something so I’d never endanger another life, never hurt another human being. I traveled the world, putting myself at risk with crazier and crazier challenges because the adrenaline helped me escape the reality of a normal world without Sara. That’s when I climbed Everest and met the Tibetan monks. They taught me how to calm my mind, and I’ve been practicing ever since.”

So that was why I saw him stop and take deep breaths so often. It made sense and wasn’t the worst outcome, considering. But...

“You suppress your emotions because you’re afraid of them.” It was a statement, not a question.

Austin searched my eyes, his darting back and forth as he looked for something. “I’m dangerous, Rosi. Dangerous to you if you get too close. That’s why I did what I did at the news conference. It was stupid and cowardly, and I am so sorry.”

“You pushed me away because you were scared you’d hurt me.”

His lids lowered so that his lashes kissed his cheeks. He nodded.

I flicked him on the arm. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt his head injury, but it probably smarted enough to get my point across.

“Ow!” His eyes snapped open as he reached for the spot.

“Last time I say this, Austin. You don’t get to make decisions for me.”

He nodded, eyes wide before a slow smile spread over his face.

“What?” I bristled at his reaction.