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“Mind-bending,” I answered, recalling how I’d managed to wake Daphne and Hazel from the trance that the fake Carmichael had put them in when fighting a psycho, shape-shifting kitsune. “Or, at least, it is with fake vamps.”

Zoe hauled me to my feet and shoved me toward my bathroom. “Have you ever used your abilities on yourself?” she asked.

“What? No. How would I even do that?” I asked as she planted me in front of the mirror.

“Look at your reflection and order yourself to remember everything that was taken.” When I hesitated, she added, “Or I swear I will portal you to the Sahara.”

Rolling my eyes, I turned toward the mirror and looked myself in the eyes. When had I gotten such dark circles? And I looked awfully pale. I had been through a lot lately. I drew a deep, cleansing breath and called up my magic.

“Okay, Char,” I told my reflection, “remember whatever they told you to forget.”

My reflection warped and split in two. On one side, Julian and I sat naked on a hotel bed as he told me to hate him and broke my heart. On the other, Silas told me everything about his plans to use me.

Gripping the edge of the sink I willed the conversation forward. That couldn’t be right. I never would have trusted him… I shook my head to clear it and forced more of my magic to the surface as I glared at my reflection. Remember, I ordered again.

In the mirror, Silas sent me to his fireplace. I touched my cheek at the memory of heat and sucked in a breath as he lay his hands on me and sank his fangs into my throat, forcing the sensation of euphoria on me despite the wrongness of it.

Shaking, I released the vision and vomited into the sink, sobbing as Zoe clung to my back, holding on to me as I sank to the tile floor. She rocked me slowly as everything rushed back in perfect clarity, but nothing more so than the casual way Silas assaulted me near the fire. How Lydia had come in and he’d glamoured her not to speak of what she’d seen.

Lydia! She’d been trying to save me. But even knowing the horror that waited for me, she refused to force me.

Unlike Julian, who’d once again taken my right to choose for myself. I sobbed harder, my heart splitting in my chest as it broke yet again. He’d made a choice—and he knew. He knew I’d never forgive him, but said he’d do it all over again. How could we ever get past that? More importantly, how could I fix what was happening?

When I’d run out of tears, I lay nearly catatonic in Zoe’s lap as she smoothed my hair back and my body trembled. She waited for me to speak first. But what could I say?

“Thank you,” was what came out in my scratchy, hoarse voice.

“I’ll always be here for you,” she said. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Slowly, carefully, I righted myself and leaned back against the cupboard. I noticed my enchanted clawfoot tub had scooted as close as it could, like it meant to comfort me, so I reached out and stroked the porcelain like it was a pet.

“Silas. He…hurt me,” I said, unable to get the real words out. “He would have done more, I’m sure, but Lydia walked in. He was livid. You’re right, he glamoured her. She’s been trying her best to rescue me from a horrible fate. Silas told me he can glamour any vampire at least 500 years younger than he is. He’s also psychic—or was in life. When he drinks from another psychic, the blood magic reignites that portion of his brain, and he regains his abilities while their blood runs through his system. He’s been draining psychics slowly until they die. The monster is always in search of more to feed his obsession.” I paused to grip my stomach when it spasmed, threatening to dry heave.

“That’s horrifying, Char. I’m so sorry.” Zoe reached for my hand and squeezed it.

“He wants me to be a vampire so his source will last for eternity. He wants me because I got away once, and he can’t stand the thought of it.”

“My gods. We have to stop him,” Zoe said, standing.

But I remained sitting, new, silent sobs wracking my shoulders.

“Oh, Char. We need to take care of you first. Come here, I’m getting Mama.” She reached for me, but I jerked away.

“No. Please don’t tell her. I can’t put her through any more.”

Zoe sighed but nodded. “I get it. But think about how you feel when Julian tries to protect you from the truth. Maybe she’d feel the same.”

The hate resurged at the mention of his name. I reached for Zoe, so she’d help me up to the sink. I rinsed my mouth and stared in the mirror. “If you hate him, or have any other feelings about him, it will be because you decide to, not him reshaping your thoughts,” I told myself and though the emotions that swirled were painful and complex, that overarching, sharp bite of revulsion subsided. I nodded then added, “You will no longer be susceptible to vampire glamour.”

I turned back toward Zoe. “I need a shower,” I said, and the tub scurried to the corner by its pipes, willing to behave for once. “Then we should make a plan. We can’t let Silas get away with this.”

Zoe smiled, though her eyes glistened with restrained tears. “I’ll call in the troops. And don’t worry, we only have to tell them what you want to share. But I think we need as much help as possible to take him on. Do you want me to notify the general?”

“No.” I startled her with my conviction. “He brought me to Silas and left me there in exchange for a promise of cooperation. That was the flaw in Julian’s attempt to protect me from afar. He told me to bring someone I trusted from SHADE at all times when with Silas. I only trusted the general because he also hates Julian.” I barked out a bitter laugh. How was that for irony?

“I’m still going to kill that bastard,” Zoe said.

“Get in line,” I answered before shooing her from the bathroom.