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Julian waited, as still as a statue.

“I am still angry. I can’t be with someone who takes away my choices. And after what I saw…I don’t know how you could do that to someone else.”

Julian’s beautiful face collapsed into sorrow, but still, he remained silent.

“But at the same time, I get it. You believed everything he told you, Julian.” I reached for his hand, and he stared at mine like if he moved, I might fly away.

“That was the worst thing about Silas,” he said carefully. “He used the truth to inflict pain.”

“Julian, look at me.” I scooted toward him as he complied. “You were abused for a century—mentally, physically, and even sexually. In any way Silas could to cause the most harm.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “But nothing was worse than the thought of what he’d eventually do to you. It felt…inevitable.”

I cupped his face, and damn, it felt good to touch him like that. “He gaslighted you, Julian.”

“No, Charlotte.” Julian huffed and shook his head. “You have always thought the best of me, and I love your positive outlook. But you are the only one who has ever seen good in me—other than Clare. And look where that got her.”

Somewhere during his sentence, his French accent had doubled, and I wondered if it was the memory of his sister or the pain of that loss that caused this regression.

“I know you. The real you. And others may be frightened—”

“You’ve been frightened too. And rightly so. You’ve seen it now, Charlotte. You’ve seen what I’ve spent the last six hundred years trying make up for.” He searched my face. “I am a demon.”

“You are a man who’s been manipulated by a real monster,” I said back just as strongly. “He broke you, Julian. He made you believe that about yourself.”

“He created me, yes. But he could not make me feel what I felt when—” Julian cut himself off when his voice rose in anger. He stood and paced away from me, stopping at our fireplace mantle and setting a hand on it.

“When what?” I asked, moving over to take his hand. I pressed it to my heart, and he turned to face me.

“After that first decade, I stopped fighting it.”

“You couldn’t help it,” I warned.

“I enjoyed it, Charlotte.” He waited for me to stop protesting before continuing. “I took pleasure in the blood I stole from humans. I looked down on them like livestock. I let myself feel again, and what I felt was…good. You don’t want to hear it, but I did this to myself. I went willingly to Silas and asked to become a vampire. Like a fool, I thought I’d have equal power to him. He knew I had the same drive—the same hunger inside me as he did—and he took every opportunity to bring that out of me. I think he wanted to prove to himself that, deep down, we’re all as monstrous as him.”

The tears fell freely down my face as I listened. “You said you forget when you’re with me,” I whispered.

He smiled and gently stroked my cheek. “Like I said, I don’t deserve you. The only reason I hadn’t ended my miserable existence was the hope that, one day, I’d somehow permanently stop him so he couldn’t hurt you the way he did me. Because you would never feel what I felt, Charlotte. You are incapable of anything but kindness.”

I caught his hand. “You’re wrong. You are just as kind as I am.”

“Char—”

I pressed a finger to his mouth. “Because I felt it, too, and it didn’t take a whole decade to get there.”

Julian paused, cocking his head in question.

“When I saw what he’d done to you, I snapped. I told you to do what you had to do, but if you hadn’t killed him? I would have.”

Every bit was true. I waited as Julian stared, processing what I’d shared. “I felt nothing but pleasure when you ripped him apart. No remorse, no guilt, no distress. Not even disgust. And that’s the raw truth. So if you deserve to die, then so do I. I don’t know. Maybe that’s why we’re mates.”

Julian’s head shook slowly from side to side as he searched my face. “Charlotte, are you…do you mean—”

I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his. He caught me around the waist and spun me as I swept my tongue over his with unapologetic force. He met me stroke for stroke as he carried me to my room and kicked the door closed.

Clenching my fingers in his silken hair, I delved deeper and harder into his mouth, searching for a connection that had nearly destroyed me when he’d severed it. I didn’t know if I’d ever forgive him completely, but I now understood why he’d done what he’d done. And Silas would never threaten our love again.

I released his mouth as he set me on the bed. “I love you,” I said through even more tears. Then I laughed. “I love you, Julian, and I want to be with you. Fated mates or not, I choose this.”