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If there’s one thing I understand, it’s the fear of loss.

I fix him with a defiant look. “I’m not her. I’m a witch.” Even though it feels hard to believe these days, considering my dormant magic. I exhale slowly, relaxing my jaw. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

This might be the first time I’ve gone back to someone’s house just to cuddle. There’s nothing more to say on the topic. Or maybe there’s more we should say, but I’m not ready, and I don’t think he is either. As I expected, his medication calms him down, but it makes him drowsy.

I won’t push him to say more tonight.

He holds me through the night, and as much as he may think he’s a danger to me, the closeness is what I need. I’m safe.

Until a scream wakes me.

I sit upright, looking wildly around the room, but the sound comes from next to me. From him. He whimpers and jerks, his face contorting.

Even in his dreams, Sterling is fighting off ghosts. We’ve shared beds before, and he’s usually up before me, but I didn’t consider how night terrors would plague him. Why wouldn’t they, considering what he’s been through?

Watching his love die. Feeling her life force slip through his fingers.

“Sterling,” I whisper, touching his shoulder.

When his eyes open, they’re white, the sky-blue irises I love so much gone. “Aurora? Don’t go. Please.” He reaches for me, his hands shaking, and holds my shoulders. Even though he’s grounding me, the magic in his eyes makes him seem as though he’s looking through me.

This has to be it. All his secrets are gone, and I’m seeing the real him now. Connected to the land of the dead. Exhausted by the energy around him. Terrified.

I still love him to death—quite literally.

“It’s me,” I whisper. My voice shakes as I fight to stabilize it. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere?”

“You’re alive?”

My heart shatters for him. Is that what he has nightmares about? I’ve been so afraid of loss—of death—but it’s different for him. It chases him. It wants to merge with him. Maybe it wants to take me, too.

I won’t give Hades what he wants. Not for a long, long time.

“Always.” I smooth his hair back, and he pulls me close, pressing my face into his chest.

“Don’t leave me.” His words are ragged, desperate. “Please. Not yet.”

Does he know he’s awake, or does he think this is a dream, somewhere he’s safe to show every jagged piece of his heart? Sterling has always seemed more honest than I am. He told me what he wanted and that he was falling for me, but he was never this raw, offering all of himself up.

He does now, and even if he isn’t aware of it, I take it all the same.

“I’m right here.” I stroke his back. “I’m not going anywhere. Not ever.”

Forever isn’t something I can promise. I know what love does. What death does. What loss does. Someday, we will lose each other. For tonight, I want to whisper pretty lies and offer a security I don’t believe in. I want him to believe me.

Because I love him, truly love him, and it’s the kind of love I’ve never wanted—the kind of love that feels like fear, like a stomach ache. Like death. I know now that it feels the same for him. We’re carrying that same doubt, the knowledge that we’ll always be alone in the end.

Not yet. Until the Underworld rips one of us away, I’ll stay.

Chapter 39

Sterling

We haven’t talked about the cottage in days, and Aurora doesn’t invite me over anymore. She doesn’t ask about it. Everything goes back to normal.

Aurora knows all the things that have pushed others away, but she’s still here, and I’m trying not to take that for granted. I pick her up for work every day, bring coffee to her desk, and spend all my free time with her.

Her lifeline is still strong and bright, but it’s probably only a matter of time before my magic gets to her, and I don’t know what I’ll do then. Pull away, obviously. Anything to keep her safe.