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Sterling

Please. Don’t do that.

She’s right.

I shouldn’t have said anything. Shouldn’t be falling for her when we’re supposed to be friends, regardless of the benefits. Aurora has made it clear what she’s available for, and I’ve always known it was best to keep her at arm’s length.

What was I thinking?

It would be too easy to blame it on the heat of the moment, on how good she feels clenching around me, but that would be a lie.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize I mean them. I’ve never thought of it, not even in the quiet of my own mind, but I love her. All I want is to see her happy, help her see how magical she is, and keep her safe.

I didn’t know if I would ever be able to love again, at least not in a way that’s fair to my partner, but she makes me hope in vain.

When did that happen? When did any of this happen? Probably around the time I held her through the night. Maybe the first moment she kissed me at the festival, turning my world upside down just before meteors flew over our heads.

And she looks terrified, rightfully so. I went too far. Too fast.

I shouldn’t have said anything. What was I thinking? This is the opposite of what I want.

To keep her safe. Keep everyone safe.

Keep them far away from me.

There can’t be two ghosts in her cottage.

“I’m so sorry,” I blurt, hurrying to put my clothes back on. “Forget I said that. I’m going to—do you want to use my bath? I can make you a snack. What do you need?”

She laughs.

My heart shatters.

“It’s fine, man.”

Man? Gods, she’s talking to me like we played a game of basketball—which I’m terrible at, mind you. I get the feeling Aurora is good at the sport despite her lack of height because she bounces back quickly.

She picks up her clothes and turns her back to me, distancing herself. “It happens. Our brains are weird during sex, right? Did you mention a bath?”

That doesn’t just happen. Not to me, and probably not to her, but she seems happy to pretend what I said was normal. It would be easy to let her brush it off, but the moment she does, it feels wrong. Dismissive.

She gave me an out, the best way to keep her at arm’s length, but something in me can’t take it.

I pull on my pants, shaking my head—at myself and her. “No, I meant it.”

She freezes and turns to face me, her eyes wide. “What?”

“I’m falling for you. I want to be with you. There’s more I have to say before that can happen, but not like this. So, I’ll state it plainly: I like you.”

I love you. But I won’t say it, not when she’s already freaking out. If I were a wiser man, I would probably stop speaking altogether.

She smiles sadly. “It’s just sex, Sterling. That’s all it ever was for me. That’s all it will ever be. I’m sorry.”

Why don’t I believe her? I should accept it, trust her to know her feelings better than I do, but I don’t want her to be right.

“Okay….” I say, fighting off the stab of rejection. This is a rejection, isn’t it?

“We need to get it out of our systems, and you’ll forget all about it.” She peers up at me so earnestly, as if she’s doing me a favor.