Page 43

“What the hell was that at dinner?” He questioned.

“I don’t know, Everett, she never even gave me a chance.”

“You put her up to this, didn’t you?” He said, glaring up at me.

I pulled my hand from his. “I didn’t. She asked me. She showed me the pictures from the last party,” I said.

“Fuck, I need to change that damn password.” Everett muttered.

“It’s only a little party; I don’t see what the big deal is?”

Everett hung his head. “This nonsense about Halloween has got to stop. I let it go with the decorations, then the movies and the festival, after my blowup, but now she wants a party. I draw the line. When you started here, I thought I was clear about having none of this.

“You were…but…”

“I told you she doesn’t need a best friend.”

I swallowed hard, feeling the tears burning behind my eyes.

“I know very well what you said, but in all fairness, she needs a sense of normalcy. What will the kids say next year when she returns to school and everyone of them talks about these things. Sophie is going to have a few very foggy memories of these times before her mother passed away. She deserves to have a childhood, regardless of what you think, but I swear I didn’t put her up to this.”

His jaw clenched as he looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

“I can’t…” He stopped, swallowed hard. “The last Halloween party Rebecca planned, she could barely stand. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to watch? That is the only thing I remember about it. She was in pain and should have been in bed. Instead, she insisted on running that damn party for Sophie, and she sat in a chair over in the corner the entire night, too weak to do anything, still smiling and laughing as if everything was right with the world when, in fact, she was dying. Three weeks later, she was back in the hospital, and a week later they moved her into hospice care.”

It made sense to me now. He hated this holiday because as he saw it, it had been what ripped her away from him.

“Everett, I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you,” I said, going to place my hand on the side of his face, but he stopped me.

“No, you don’t know. You don’t know how hard this is for me. To be honest, you don’t have a fucking clue. You’ve never had to watch someone you love disappear inches at a time while the entire world hung cobwebs. While everyone around you laughed and had a good time, I stood there wondering how the hell I was going to pick myself up after she was gone and be strong enough to raise our little girl.”

His words were like a slap across the face, but he was right; I didn’t have a clue how it felt.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, but I was only trying to make you see Sophie wants and needs this.”

“Are you actually standing here trying to tell me I don’t know what my child needs? I’m not blind,” he said, raising his voice.

“If you know what she needs, then let her have this.”

“I think what the problem is, Ember, is that you don’t know what she needs. You are nothing but the nanny, the hired help, a dreamer and a smut writer in your spare time who likes to play games all the while pretending you know what you’re doing.”

I froze, my heart beating a million miles a minute as I looked down at Everett. There it was, he’d called it. I wasn’t anything to him. He had stated a fact, one I hadn’t wanted to see. I’d taken his words and actions at face value, allowed myself to be open and intimate with him, and had fooled myself into thinking there could be something between us. I dug my nails into my palms, trying not to let my feelings show, even though I could feel the breakdown coming faster than I could stop it.

“Well, I guess I’ve been told. I will make sure that everything comes down in the next couple of days,” I said, fighting back tears as I stepped down off the stool I was on and shoved past him. Everett cleared his throat behind me as I made my way toward the door to the hallway.

“Ember…I didn’t mean…”

I spun around. “No, Everett, you’re right. I’m just the nanny and the dirty smut writer, and you were very clear on how you wanted October to be handled. I wouldn’t know a thing about what Sophie might need. I overstepped, and you can believe me when I tell you it won’t happen again.”

“Ember, I was angry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“No, you meant exactly what you said. It’s okay, but you should know that I’m giving my notice. I will stay here until you find my replacement, so you had better call the agency tomorrow. I refuse to leave Sophie high and dry, but the moment you have someone, I’m gone. As for us, well, we are through.”

I didn’t wait for him to respond. I couldn’t. I wasn’t even halfway upstairs before the tears were streaming down my cheeks. I ran into my room and to my private bathroom. I slammed the door shut behind me and looked at my reflection. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I cried until I had no more tears to cry. I’d been so stupid, thinking there ever could be something between us. I needed to get out of here. I ripped the bathroom door open and immediately began throwing enough stuff into my duffel bag for at least one night at home, and then made my way back downstairs. I needed to clear my head; I needed to get out of here and focus on myself for a few hours. I figured Everett would be back in his office, and I’d be able to leave a note on the fridge and let him know I’d be back by morning, but when I stepped into the kitchen, he was still standing at the counter, his head down, a drink in his hand.

I froze as he looked at me, then to the bag that was slung over my shoulder.

“Where are you going?”