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Shutting my book, frustrated by the disruption, I look at him. “And this has anything to do with you because?”
“I was just asking, okay?” Tension hangs in the air before he sighs, rubbing his face. “I feel like I know nothing about your life.”
My stomach turns. Jason and I were inseparable growing up. He was all I wanted to be, and I learnt pretty quickly that he was more annoyed than flattered by having his little brother follow him around everywhere.
“There’s nothing to know.”
“Dad asks about you, you know?”
I scoff. “What? Probably asking about when I can start working for him. Am I supposed to care?”
“He’s worried.” That causes me to pause.
“Why?”
“You’ve been…happier lately. The most animated we’ve seen you in a while.”
“Does he think I’m doing drugs or something?”
Jason lets out a low laugh at that and shakes his head. “No, no. Nothing like that. He’s happy to see you like this. Like you have something to live for.”
Something to live for. What the fuck does that mean?
Do I have something to live for? Did I not have something to live for before?
I think of the dark moments that Mum had, where she would just lock herself in her study and work for days without a break. Nothing could come between her and the task at hand, not even food. Dad would have to beg her to eat, to take a break, if she even opened the door for him. I often feel tendrils of that wrapping itself around my mind, but I’ve been fine. I am fine. I’m coping, and that’s the most important thing.
I open my mouth to respond, but at that exact moment the front door swings open, Dad returning home late after a meeting. Jason shoots me a tight smile before he disappears downstairs as quickly as he came. And I’m left with his last words ringing in my ears.
* * *
The next time I see Eden, we’re meant to be focusing on her oral presentation. I promise, we really are. But the conversation always seems to drift when we’re together.
“What? What did he mean by that?”
After filling Eden in on my strange conversation with Jason, we sit here dissecting every bit of it. It feels good to share, especially with someone as no nonsense as her. It’s also nice to not talk about what happened between her and my father. It’s already kept me up at night as is.
It’s one thing to describe your family dynamic to someone. But for them to see it plainly in front of them? It’s not something that I’m entirely uncomfortable with, and I hope it hasn’t scared Eden away.
“Maybe he sees something in you that you can’t?” She says around a mouthful of croissant.
“Jesus Christ,” I laugh, mixing sugar into my tea. “That makes me sound like such a catch.”
“Girls love a man they can fix,” she says almost to herself. “Well,” Eden sighs, shaking her hands free of crumbs. “Maybe this is a good sign. A turning point. The job offer might have just been the start of something. Maybe your family will start seeing you like an actual person with hopes and dreams different from theirs.”
“One can only hope,” I smile, feeling that familiar warmth flooding my chest whenever she’s around. After spending so much time with her at the farm, seeing each other only for these sessions has been hard. Hence, less work on her assignments. Something niggles at the back of my brain to direct the conversation back to her presentation so she at least gets a bit of what she’s paying for.
“Your oral. How’s it going?”
Eden smiles and nods once, twice. “Very well. Who knew horror could be so interesting? Thank you for the articles you sent, by the way. They helped more than you would know.”
“You are welcome. Glad to see that I’m rubbing off on you.” I nudge her foot with my own, which causes her to giggle. It’s such a wonderful sound.
Whenever she laughs, she seems to light up from the inside. I’m mesmerised by the way her glasses creep up her nose when her grin turns self-conscious.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” I ask innocently. She kicks me back.
