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The Patron of Blackwood Hall

Page 117

by Tiffany Briar Rose

He had asked me to surrender my own.

That was why the red light remained fixed in my mind. Not because the laboratory had been closed. Because Priya had looked at me expecting answers I did not have. Everyone else had been invited into the decision. I was invited only to live with it.

I kept walking, and before I realized I was doing it, I found myself assembling a pattern the way I had done countless times in the laboratory. The login attempts. The phishing email. The folder that was moved. The fire.

What if the fire hadn’t been an accident?

The question lingered for only a moment.

No. I had no evidence for that. Scientists do not arrive at conclusions because they are frightened. We arrive at them because the evidence leaves no other explanation. Fear is not data.

Alexander had said he had made other decisions on my behalf. What were they? I hadn’t asked. In that moment, I had only needed to get out of his office. Had he done that before or after I told him how important it was for me to be part of the decision when it impacted my life?

He had not forgotten what I told him. He remembered too much about me to forget that. He remembered how I took my coffee, the books I reached for without thinking, the necklace Sofia had given me, the flowers I paused to admire in the gardens. He had remembered all those things.

He had simply believed this one was different. That was the cruelest part.

If he had forgotten, I might have understood it.

If he had dismissed it, I could have been angry.

Instead, he had listened. He had understood. He had remembered. And then, when the moment came, he had decided that this promise no longer applied.

I realized I had been asking myself the wrong question.

I kept wondering whether Alexander had made the right decision. Whether, if I had been sitting beside him with every report spread across the table between us, I might have reached exactly the same conclusion.

Perhaps I would have. But that was never the decision he made for me.

The decision he made was that I would never be given the chance to reach my own conclusion.

We think of lies as false words. We imagine deception requires someone to look us in the eye and tell us something untrue. It doesn’t. Sometimes, deception is much quieter than that. Sometimes every spoken word is technically true. The work had been suspended. There had been a credible security concern. Aurora was safe.

None of those things were lies.

The lie lived in everything that had been left unsaid.

By the time I walked into the corridor outside Aurora, every important conversation had already happened without me.

I did not consciously decide to go back.

Somewhere between the gardens and the conservatory, my feet had chosen for me. I stood in the Research Pavilion waiting for the elevator with one hand still in the pocket of my coat, my fingers resting against the familiar outline of my security badge. It was only when the doors opened that I understood what I had come to do.

I wanted to try it one more time.

Not because I believed it would work. Because some small, unreasonable part of me still needed to see for myself that nothing had changed.

The elevator carried me upward in silence. When the doors opened onto the sixth floor, the corridor looked exactly as it had just a few hours earlier. The lights were on. The laboratory stood beyond the glass. Nothing about it had changed. My notebook still rested on the corner of the lab bench. Someone’s pipette remained beside the centrifuge. Everything waited patiently for people who were no longer coming.

I slowly took the badge out of my pocket. I looked at it for a long moment before holding it against the reader. I already knew what would happen. I did it anyway.

The reader flashed red, as expected.

Even so, I stood there for several long seconds, my badge still resting against the scanner, believing persistence alone might somehow persuade the building to remember me.

It didn’t.

I lowered my hand and slipped the badge back into my pocket. There was nothing else I could do.