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I wish I could call out for him to wait, but I can’t. Instead, I continue to lie in bed, tucked into myself, and as much as I’d like to, I don’t cry. I’m too hollowed out for that right now. I don’t call him or text him either.

Maybe tomorrow.

I don’t believe it even as I think it, but it’s easier than sitting with the alternative, that I just let the best thing that ever happened to me sit outside a door for hours and walk away without me lifting a finger to stop it.

CHAPTER 28

Evan

Sunday morning, I walk the two blocks back from the hotel with two coffees, like that might somehow help get him to open the door.

Luck seems to be on my side this morning since I don’t have to wait for anyone to leave the building. As soon as I arrive, a woman with a stroller holds the door for me as she exits.

“Thank you,” I say before heading straight up to Marcus’s apartment. I’ve been holding on to what his neighbor said, that she saw him yesterday. It’s the only reason I slept at all last night, even if it was only for about three hours.

I knock on his door, softer this time since I don’t want to disturb his neighbors more than I already am. “Marcus, it’s me. I brought you coffee.”

Just like last night, nothing.

I knock again before pressing my ear to the door the way I did last night and hear exactly what I heard then. Nothing at all.

I set his coffee next to the door and slide down the wall into the same spot as last night. I tell myself I’ll give it a little while. That he might still be asleep.

But a little while turns into an hour, then two. I talk to him every so often, tell him I’m still here, that I’m not going anywhere. I brought a book, and reread the same page approximately fifteen times before I accept I’m too anxious to read. Every few minutes, I stop breathing so I can listen and there’s not a single sound from inside. Not a footstep, a cough, a TV, a faucet. It’s been almost a full day since anyone saw him, and his apartment is so quiet it doesn’t sound like anyone lives there at all.

My hands are shaking when I pull up the information on a wellness check once again.

I could call Josh again, but I can already hear him being disappointed in me for doing the exact opposite of what he told me Marcus needed.

Marcus might never forgive me for this, but I’d rather he hate me and be okay than spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I’d just made the call.

I dial the non-emergency line before I can talk myself out of it because I am scared.

The woman who answers is calm in a way I’m not. She asks for the address, his name, my name, my relationship to him. I hesitate on that last one longer than I should.

“I’m... a friend. A close friend.”

She asks why I'm concerned, and I hear myself say it all out loud for the first time. That it’s been two weeks since I’ve heard from him, that I flew here from Seattle, that his car is parked outside, and he hasn’t answered the door since I got here last night.

“Has he made any statements about harming himself?”

“No,” I say, and my throat closes around the word. “I just... I don’t know what’s going on and I can’t get him to answer, and I’m scared.”

She tells me officers will be dispatched but it could take some time, and she isn’t joking. It’s over two hours before I hear heavy footsteps on the stairs and two officers round the corner. One older man with salt and pepper hair and one younger one who has dark bags under his eyes.

The older one asks me most of the same questions and I answer them again, feeling smaller with every one. Yes, I flew in yesterday. No, he didn’t know I was coming. No, I don’t have a key. No, I don’t know his family’s number. No, I didn’t sleep outside his door. No, he’s never made a comment about hurting himself.

Then he steps up to the door and knocks, louder than I ever let myself.

“Chicago Police. Marcus? We’re doing a wellness check. Someone’s worried about you. Can you come to the door?”

Silence.

He knocks again, harder. “Marcus, we just need to see that you’re okay.”

Nothing.

I wrap my arms around myself and pray that I didn’t wait too long since he’s still not coming to the door.