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“Okay.” He shook his head.

“Ruben!” I took his hand again. “I don’t want this to end up as it did in the summer. I like the guy I met here. A lot. I liked the guy from the beach too. And it was also nice to know whether you prefer condoms in different flavors or whether you find fucking more relaxing during sunrise or sunset—but I’ve gotten to know a whole new side of you here. Or . . . gotten to know you much more intensely. You’re determined and want to please everyone. You enjoy to take care of people and want to be perfect. When you realize that perfection is in the eye of the beholder and that you can therefore never be ’perfect for everyone’ it doesn’t stop you from making the best of every situation. I like the Ruben who stands on the dance floor and doesn’t care about dancing and the one who lies in bed with me. I like you so much that I don’t want to lose you. Not again. I don’t know how I could fit into your life and that’s probably saying too much.”

“I like you too! And the last thing I want is for this to end. But I don’t have a plan. I don’t want to get on your nerves or make demands. I realize it’s far too new between us to make serious plans. But you’re going back to Ocean View and I . . . I don’t know what I’m going to do. How is that supposed to work?”

I gripped Ruben’s hand tighter, then pulled him over the center console.

“We don’t have to know that yet. The only thing that matters right now is that we want this to continue. If we agree on that, we can find a way together.”

He intertwined our fingers and kissed my knuckles. My heart was pounding as if a ten-meter-high wave was rushing toward me.

“It won’t be that easy,” he insisted.

“I didn’t say it would be easy,” I replied and grinned at him.

He pulled one hand back and gave me a gentle slap on the upper arm. “Be serious.”

“I am serious!” Nevertheless, I laughed. I was too relieved. We didn’t have answers to anything. But we had a direction. “I want to try, Ruben. No affair. Nothing temporary, but something real.”

“That . . . that’s what I want too. I think that’s what I’ve always wanted.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him toward me. The center console dug into my hip, and judging by Ruben’s surprised gasp, I was rougher than I had intended.

I deepened the kiss. Held his head with both hands. Wanted to make it clear to him with all my strength that I meant every word. Finally, we pulled apart, gasping for air.

“So what do you need?” I gently stroked his eyebrows with my thumb.

He raised them in surprise. “What do I need? I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before.”

“Then it’s about time.” I gazed at him. My next question twisted in my stomach. Still, I wanted to ask it. It was a chance to build a real foundation. “Should I . . . um . . . I don’t have to go to every party. Or dance with anyone, I can try . . . ”

Ruben pushed me away violently. “No! For heaven’s sake, no! Oh God, what have I done? Please don’t change! I don’t want that. That’s who you are! I’m not saying I’m the best at dealing with it. Rather, this exact point became more and more of an excuse—you’re different from me, that’s why it can’t work. That way, I didn’t have to deal with myself. With me and my insecurities.”

I interrupted him by stroking his arm. Ruben watched me as I ran my hand back and forth.

“That’s why we need to talk—don’t imagine horror scenarios. Ask me questions—challenge me! I want to be right there with you in your insecurities.”

He let out a cute grunt. “That’s what you say now. But seriously, I want to learn to deal with it better. It was your nature that attracted me from the first time we met. You’re open minded, free, just perfect the way you are.”

My shoulders slumped with relief. Had I secretly hoped to hear that answer? We both still had work to do on our communication.

“Okay. That’s good. It was a stupid question,” I muttered. Ruben shook his head. “But what is it you need? Can I meet you halfway to make it easier?”

Ruben chewed his lower lip again. “Nothing. Or . . . patience? When I shut down and isolate myself, I hope you’ll still be there when I realize I’ve overreacted again. Not that I plan on making this a permanent thing.”

I smiled and stroked his hair. “That can be arranged. We don’t always have to be in the best of spirits. We can be in a bad mood sometimes and then come out of our shell in a better one.”

Now it was Ruben who leaned toward me and gently brushed his lips against mine.

“And what do you need?”

Surprised, I recoiled slightly and hesitated. He slowly opened his eyes and smirked.

“I . . . I need the guarantee that my partner will talk to me and not leave me hanging when there’s a problem. I need someone who values my opinion and is at least willing to try to work together to find a solution.” It was difficult for me to say the next words. I didn’t want to hurt Ruben. But maybe now was the time to bring everything out into the open. So that we could move forward from here. “I can’t stand it when people turn away, as if nothing relevant could be expected from me, anyway. Because I’m a stupid surfer from the beach.”

Ruben pressed his hand to his mouth. “That’s what I did, isn’t it? That’s exactly what I did!”

I shook my head and took his fingers, kissed them, and placed them on my cheek. He scratched them restlessly. Finally, he left them on my skin. “Now I understand you much better. But it didn’t come across that way to me in the summer. It gutted me. Because you were, you are important to me. And I don’t want you to see me as someone who is incapable of understanding your dreams and goals and supporting you.” I hesitated. Ruben had furrowed his eyebrows and watched me anxiously, but I continued, “If you want to go to Paris, we’ll find a way to deal with it together. If you want to live in Europe, the same goes. But please, don’t exclude me from the outset because it was never one of my goals.”