Page 103

As if in a trance, I let him pull me through the hospital and out into the open. The cool spring air takes me by surprise, and I take a deep breath.

The oxygen feeds my brain, and I can see more clearly again. “He’s going to get better, Ricky, right?”

Ricky grabs my upper arm. “Of course he’ll get better. Nothing else is an option.”

I nod as if he were a psychic and his words were law.

“What do I do now?”

Ricky looks at me sympathetically. “I picked up his key and am on my way to his apartment. I’ll grab some clothes for him and . . . I’ll come back here.”

Still nodding I stare at Ricky. “No. You stay here in case something happens. I’d stay, but that won’t do any good right now. He has plenty of stuff at my place. I’ll pack everything up and come back here.”

Ricky sizes me up. Shaking his head, he continues. “I’m sorry. This is the worst possible time, but Carly and I already had our suspicions. But we didn’t know it was this serious. Not that Parker said anything.” He raises his hands defensively.

“That’s fine. We . . . ” I stare at Ricky. What do I have to lose? He hasn’t said anything for so long. Why would he come out about our relationship now, when Parker is fighting for his life?

He waves it off. “Forget it. It’s none of my business, anyway. All I care about now is Parker.”

And all I do care about is Parker. The Parker who kept a part of himself a secret to protect me. I don’t think. I react. “We’re together. For real. I should have made that clear a long time ago. Plus, he’s supposed to move in with me,” I add.

Ricky smiles. “I’m happy for you both. And you don’t have to worry.”

“I don’t.” Strangely enough, my words aren’t just meant to reassure him; I actually mean them. “You’re staying here, right? In case he wakes up sooner, he shouldn’t be alone.”

Ricky tilts his head slightly. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll do that. I need to let Simon know that I won’t be coming back today. Let me know when you’re on your way back.”

I hesitate. “In case something happens at the office or you run into trouble . . . ”

But he waves it off. “No, no. It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Ricky nods. “Absolutely.”

“Thank you. For everything.”

He squeezes my hand, and I head out.

Back at my apartment, the adrenaline starts to wear off. This isn’t like losing a game. It’s not like the fear of being outed. It’s not like the stress of fighting for a spot on the team.

This is about everything.

It’s about Parker knowing that he’s loved. That his life doesn’t have to be hidden.

The gnawing feeling that this is all my fault overwhelms me and brings me to my knees. Literally.

He was hit by a car in front of the agency. After he was fired. Because he’s with me.

In all my panic about what it would mean for me if someone found out about us, I completely overlooked what the consequences might be for Parker.

What it means for someone who doesn’t have my privileges, my money, my reputation.

You can’t compare any of this. But how selfish am I, not even taking a moment to think about the consequences for Parker?

Yes, he’s the media specialist. He knows what a public outing entails.

But he’s unemployed. Not that it’ll affect him financially. Whether he wants it or not, I’m going to help him. He has to let me help him.