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Friendship. For such a long time, I’ve been hiding from him, keeping parts of myself hidden so he couldn’t really see me.

“We’re friends, right?”

“Dude, of course we are. Even if you’ve been resisting it for years.” Blake sounds annoyed, which almost amuses me. But still, tears well up in my eyes.

“You’re right.” I swallow, spinning around. No one is standing near me. I move right up against the wall, turn my back to the room, and hold a hand over my mouth. “My boyfriend was in an accident. He’s in surgery right now.”

“A boyfriend?”

Oh, fuck, Blake, don’t make this any harder for me. “Yeah, my boyfriend. My partner. Whatever you want to call it. Parker . . . ”

“So, Parker.” Blake’s voice sounds calm and content. “I thought you two would make a cute couple.”

I close my eyes and hope the tears don’t find their way out. Unable to say anything, I just breathe.

“Oh shit.” Blake exclaims, his voice trembling. “Parker was in an accident? Is he okay?”

Half laughing, half crying, I rub my face. “Yes. And I don’t know for sure. I’m not allowed to see him either, because Ricky is his emergency contact, and as long as he’s not responsive . . . ”

“Fuck, Evan.”

Once again, we fall silent.

I clear my throat. “I’ll try to be there tonight. Okay? Please don’t tell the others yet. I’ll . . . handle it myself.”

“You can count on me. One hundred percent. I’ll let the coach know right now that you’re excused and that he’ll have to wait for an explanation.”

“Thanks. Thanks for everything.”

“Anytime, my friend.”

I hang up and rest my forehead against the wall. There’s no turning back now, and a strange calm washes over me.

Finally.

But I won’t be able to enjoy anything about it knowing that Parker is in such bad shape.

“Hey, he’s awake. I can go see him.” Ricky squeezes my arm and immediately turns away again.

“Okay.” With my fists clenched, I watch him as two nurses take him in and guide him through the security checkpoint. That’s all I can manage to say. Hope, helplessness, and fear for Parker are tearing at my skin. Thinking is simply impossible anymore. I just want to be with him. I want to ask him for forgiveness. But words aren’t enough anymore, and I realize what I’ve brought this upon myself. I’m in this situation only because I decided that Parker wasn’t important enough in my life.

So—I’ll wait and hope that I get a chance to show him that he very much is.

Chapter 25 – Evan

“Evan, I’m really, really sorry. If I’d known that only one person could go in once he wakes up . . . ”

“ . . . Then you would have gone in too, and you’d have been absolutely right to do so,” I interrupt Ricky.

Even though the frustration that’s been building up inside me is now stuck in my throat, I know waiting to see him now is the right thing to do. Parker needs rest, and an intensive care unit isn’t a train station where any number of people can hang around forever. Still, my heart is burning. I’m jealous, I miss Parker, I’m worried.

“I made a short video so you can see that he’s doing well. I’ll send it to you right away.”

“Oh. That’s nice, thanks.” Maybe I should have sent Parker a message through Ricky? I hadn’t even thought of that. “What’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid we don’t know yet. He’ll stay in the ICU for now. The doctors say the brain hemorrhage was less serious than they thought. The fact that he looks pretty groggy in the video is mostly due to the anesthesia. He has no neurological deficits whatsoever. I’m relieved. And I can’t thank you enough for covering the costs.”

“You didn’t tell him about that, did you? Not that he shouldn’t know, but it’s not something he needs to worry about right now.”