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“I’ve never heard of it,” Sid remarks as he pulls his hoodie over his head.

Emma smiles. “That doesn’t surprise me at all. I don’t think you go to lesbian bars often, right?”

“Ahhh.” Completely unfazed, he runs his fingers through his hair. “That’s right. And thanks to the captain, I don’t go anywhere at all anymore. Only to places under his supervision. Here for example.” He makes a face and grins at Blake.

“After the playoffs, once you’ve secured the Cup for us, you can go out as much as you want, rookie. Until then, you’re staying put.”

“Aye, Captain.” Sid salutes goofily, and Blake puts him in a headlock.

I watch the interaction with bated breath. Sid is completely unfazed by the exchange, and Blake has queer sisters-in-law?

But how would I even know that? Ever since I’ve been in New York, I’ve avoided getting too close to people. I remember him talking about Katleen’s sister, her wedding, visits to Belgium to see his in-laws. Am I so self-absorbed that I miss the simplest of connections?

My expression must be frozen. I don’t react at all and stare at everyone.

“Everything okay?” Katleen whispers to me.

“Oh, sure.” I am putting on my hat. “Have fun tonight, everyone, and Blake, good luck.”

He rolls his eyes. “Get home safely.” He kisses Katleen again. “And have fun, you guys.”

At home, I read through the documents Carly sent.

I know that Parker is corresponding with Derek.

The visit with Blake is still on my mind. I don’t want to put anything into context. I don’t want to think about what it might mean for me.

I think of the countless times homophobic remarks were made in the locker rooms. Blake never started them. But he never stopped them either.

Neither did I.

Instead, I duck away. Try to make myself invisible. In the shower, I always keep my gaze above navel level so no one would ever get the idea that I’m checking them out. Or, if it does get out, that I’m gay, no one will blame or accuse me. It’s best to always have my back to the others. Like today at practice. Even if the attacks come from behind, that’s how I can best protect myself.

Valentina Garcia. I don’t get why she’s supposed to be my fake date for the next few weeks. She’s a superstar. It doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense.

Meeting up with her will require the most effort on my part. The rest will mostly happen through social media.

Do I really want to pretend that Valentina and I are a couple or at least hint at it? Will I stoop so low as to continue hiding this little detail about myself?

Wouldn’t it be easier to finally be true to myself? No. Especially not now. Not when we have a chance to make the playoffs without any trouble and have a shot at the Cup.

I’m supposed to hand over my social media accounts to the agency so they can use them for a while to set a certain tone.

That is even weirder.

I would give my information to Parker.

Carly writes that she’s my contact person. I should respect that.

My thoughts drift back to my encounter with Parker today. He’s here in New York. Why didn’t I know that? He must have been aware of it, that we’ve been close for years. I understand why he never reached out, but it still frustrates me.

Panic grips me. I can’t see Parker. Being close to him was the biggest threat to my career eight years ago, and nothing has changed. My panting quickens, and I start counting. Breathe in on four. Hold on four. Breathe out on four.

Not a panic attack, just stressed out.

I close the files and put my phone away.

Say what you will about Derek, but he made a sensible decision with Parker’s agency. I’ll stay on the down low.