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“No problem, Evan.” A few seconds pass before she speaks again. “Should we switch to a video call?”
“No. Have you seen the social media posts today?”
“No. Should I check them before our conversation?”
I shake my head as if she could see me. “No, no need. I want to say it.”
She waits a moment.
“You can’t tell anybody anything about me, right? Even if you read something online or something.” I try to assure myself.
“No, Evan. I’m bound by confidentiality. No matter what you tell me, no matter what I find out through other channels, nothing that’s said between us leaves this room.”
“Okay.” I inhale deeply. “I’m gay.”
Unlike Derek, she doesn’t burst out in mocking laughter. Of course not. She’s a professional therapist. She’s supposed to be treating my panic attacks, but since I have her on speed dial anyway . . .
“Hey, that’s a big step.” Her voice is softer than usual, isn’t it? Doesn’t she take me seriously either? “How does it feel to say that out loud?”
“I, um.” How does it feel? “Good. Nothing happened. And yet, it did.”
“Am I the first person you’ve told?”
“No.” I turn back to the window. “I told my manager.”
She waits. Doesn’t ask any more questions.
“He reacted differently than you did. Different in a bad way.”
“I see. Thank you for trusting me enough to talk about this so soon after your first attempt.”
My gaze wanders back over the park. The one I love to immerse myself in, where I go for a run. Running away from the fans, my life. Until I’m out of breath. “Maybe I want to erase the impression of that first conversation.”
“Erasing it won’t work. Unfortunately. But we can overlay it with something more positive. I hope.”
“Let’s try it.” I have absolutely nothing to lose. I’m safe with Silvia.
“What do you want to talk about? Are you planning to come out?”
“No. No, absolutely not. I just want to talk about the fact that this is how it is.”
“Okay. Let’s do that. We have fifty minutes.” Silvia’s voice is cheerful and encouraging.
So we talk. Until it’s time for my appointment with Derek and the people who are supposed to fix my image.
Almost two hours later, I still haven’t eaten. Derek sent a driver. To get to where we are supposed to meet for our appointment, we make our way through the high-rise’s underground parking garage.
Hopefully my rescue goes smoothly, I need to eat something decent before my training session. If my workout suffers because of this, I’ll lose it.
A plain, unassuming sign points to the agency without giving any specific indication of what goes on there.
The elevator takes me right to the entrance.
I study myself. Are my clothes too casual? Should I have chosen a suit? At least I didn’t opt for workout clothes.
It’s too late now, anyway.
The doorbell doesn’t make a sound. At least, not one I can hear.
