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“ . . . You never had that choice. You had to decide which part of yourself you wanted to show the world. That’s unfair.”

I shake my head. “You’re being too generous with me. I could have handled it better and been more considerate of you. Instead, I only saw my own emotions and fears.”

Parker smiles slightly. He puts his cutlery down too. Apparently, we’ve both lost our appetites. “How did you put it so beautifully just now? We were young.”

“So at college, was there no other solution but for us to break up?” I croak the words rather than speak them. I’ve missed him terribly. I miss him even right now, even though he’s sitting across from me.

He shrugs. “Probably.” Parker leans forward in his chair across the table and holds out his hand to me.

I take it immediately. The touch is cooling balm. I’m starving for the sensation of skin against skin. Starving for Parker. “I’m sorry for how I reacted after your last visit here. I didn’t mean to make you feel that I take you for granted or expect anything. I was overwhelmed?”

His soft laughter dances between us. “It was exactly the same for me. And I reacted as I did eight years ago.”

I close my eyes and think. “Just like me.”

He laughs again. “But you’re not the same person you were eight years ago.”

With my eyes still closed, I shake my head. “No, I’m not. In a way, I am. On the other hand . . . ”

Parker runs his thumb over the back of my hand. “I’ve actually grown a lot, too. But the fact that you’ve barged into my life so suddenly has apparently shaken me up more than I would have expected.”

“Well.”

What am I supposed to say to that? Until I met Derek in Parker’s office, I’d been certain that I’d blown my chance with him and that my life would go on without him. If I ever saw him again at all.

Promises, pleas, empty words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to convince Parker to give us another chance. Not because my situation has changed, but because we’re better equipped to handle it now. But that’s not fair.

“What are you thinking?” he whispers to me across the table.

“A lot,” I whisper back.

He doesn’t let go of me as he stands up and walks around the table to come to me. I push my chair back slightly, and Parker steps between my legs. Now I have to look up at him, and I enjoy the sight of him towering over me.

“We can’t pick up where we left off eight years ago,” he says.

“I know,” I reply immediately.

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t do anything at all.”

My emotions knot together inside me, tightening into a tight band around my stomach. “Is that a smart idea?”

He shakes his head with a laugh. “It’s a terrible idea. But to be honest, the thought of not touching you is even more unbearable.”

I place my free hand on his hip and squeeze it. “I don’t want this to end up as it did last time.”

Parker runs his fingers through my hair. “Me neither.”

I pull him toward me and rest my cheek against his stomach, which is wrapped in a soft sweater. My stubble scratches against it. His fingers continue to run over my scalp. Right here and now, I’m melting into Parker, right there on the floor in front of him.

“Evan, I can’t promise you anything. I don’t trust myself, even tough I’m not twenty anymore and I think I can handle your pressure better. But . . . ”

“No promises. I won’t demand anything from you,” I murmur against his stomach. He holds my head close to him. “I’m incredibly glad you’re back in my life. If friendship is all you can handle, I’ll take it. I don’t want you to disappear again.”

Parker lets go of my fingers and now takes hold of my head with both hands. “If it were that simple between us, if we could only be friends, we probably wouldn’t have failed so spectacularly on our first try.” His words almost send me into a panic. Not even friendship? Isn’t there anything he wants from me? “I want you,” he whispers. “And that scares me. As long as my old emotions, familiar problems, this urgent need to have sex with you, and my job keep bouncing around in my head like Ping-Pong balls . . . ”

“ . . . As long as that’s the case, you’re in the same boat as me. And I feel like I’m on ice. Not on skates. On black ice.”

We laugh softly.