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Without letting go of him, I slide back and meet his gaze. “I realize this all sounds crazy. We saw each other again just under three weeks ago. This is all happening way too fast. But I can’t control my feelings, Parker. This wasn’t quietly simmering inside me for eight years. What’s driving me crazy is that I see who you’ve become over time. I can’t regret not being a part of that, because with me, you wouldn’t be who you are now. But I don’t want a single damn day to go by where you’re not sure that you’re everything to me. You’re the one for me, Parker. And I realize this must sound like the same old song and dance to you, but give me time. I can’t come out of the closet right away. Not this season. We were so close to the Cup last year. This year it’ll work out. Then I’ll have something in my hands that gives me real security. That proves . . . ”

He runs his hand over my upper arm. Right over the spot where my Calder Memorial Trophy tattoo is. “You prove every day what you’re capable of. Who you are. That the one thing has nothing to do with the other.”

Nodding, I turn away. I know he’s right. “In theory. But hockey is more than that. There are unspoken rules here.” Or spoken ones, if you consider the locker rooms and practice. “To break those, it takes more than a few good arguments.”

“Yes, it would take the will to accept that all of this is built on false assumptions. That someone’s sexual orientation doesn’t make them any less of a man. That people are being harmed in order to project an image that’s nothing but a lie.”

I shake my head. “You hate hockey.”

“I don’t,” he defends himself immediately. “At worst, I don’t care. But I know how much the sport means to you. That’s why I try to put myself in your shoes, to understand what makes it all-encompassing.” He pulls his legs back, and I curse every word we say. “Every day I work with people who want nothing more than to save this incredible world they’re in, whether it’s sports, music, or film. They’re terrified of being excluded. Because they’ve worked hard to be a part of it. And I’m doing everything I can to save that dream for people. But I keep asking myself, why would anyone want something so badly that rejects them? That tolerates only one form, one specific version of them? You’re limiting yourselves to appease something that, yes, it’s great, but is also wrong.” He grabs my chin and pulls my head toward him. “Maybe I don’t understand it. But Evan, that doesn’t mean I won’t do everything for you so you can live your dream. I don’t have to understand it. I only have to deal with it. And I do. Even if I’m angry and frustrated sometimes.”

I want to believe him. I want to believe him so much. Parker runs his thumb over my lower lip. “When I saw you with Derek at our office, I was convinced you hadn’t changed. But I was wrong about you. You want more for yourself. The path is difficult and slow. And that’s why I’m here. Not because I want to stick to a specific schedule with you, but because I don’t have to watch you wither away inside. Instead, I get to see you for who you really are. And that person . . . ” He trails off and looks between us with a shaky smile. “That person is everything to me. He’s wonderful and brave and strong and loving and . . . ”

I cover his mouth and kiss him. I don’t deserve his words. Because I’m a coward, too. Parker would never say that. “I’m not perfect. And I hate that I’ll always be the one responsible for shattering your glow: Because I demand more of your time, because I ask you to lie, because I ask you to sneak out of the building, because my entrance is full of paparazzi hoping to catch a glimpse of Valentina.”

Parker nods knowingly. “Ah. That’s where this is coming from. I wasn’t sure if you were acting weird because I’m still here, or . . . ”

I kiss him again. “It’s always something that has nothing to do with you. Always.”

“Okay. We both know this isn’t going to be easy.” He gazes at me questioningly, as if he needs to make sure I understood him.

“And that’s all on me,” I add.

“Evan.” Parker growls my name rather than saying it.

I bury my nose in his neck. “Somehow, I hadn’t fully thought through this distraction thing for myself. Valentina draws people in so much that I’m now in the spotlight more than ever.”

“But not because anyone thinks you’re gay. It’s because you’ve snagged one of Hollywood’s hottest starlets.”

“If this keeps up, I’m going to need a stylist after all. I don’t even dare leave the house in workout clothes anymore. I just want to be an athlete. Not necessarily the husband of . . . ”

“Derek saw it differently. ‘Full focus on bling’ was the directive for us.”

“I’m glad that’s slowly dying down. By the start of the playoffs, I want an official statement saying we were never together and are still friends. No more speculation. Focus on the Cup.”

“No problem at all.”

I pull Parker onto my lap. “What now? Do you still have to work before you leave?”

“That’s what I was planning. What about you?”

“I’ll lie down next to you and watch you?” I suggest.

Parker’s mouth twists into a grin. “Let’s see how far we both get with our plans.” He leans toward me and kisses me. Long. Demanding. I can only hope he gets everything he needs.

Chapter 14 – Parker

Waking up in my own home isn’t as relaxing as I’d like it to be. Evan has three away games in a row, and I miss him.

Completely absurd and silly.

We haven’t seen each other in eight years, and the short time we’ve been back together shouldn’t be having such a big effect on me. And yet I miss him. From my bed, I check my cacti by the window.

My Easter cactus is blooming. I sit up and lean closer to the plant. Only a few of the buds have opened; their rich pink glow catching my eye. Most are still closed.

How nice that I’m not missing this. So there is a silver lining to not being with Evan after all.

Sighing, I lean back.