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“No.”

“And nobody’s gonna, like— know. Especially not Jason.”

“I understand.”

“Great.” He grabbed his jacket. He hovered by the door. He looked at me, standing there in the middle of the room with my hands empty, and something in his face cracked.

“Maksim.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. For the bread.”

“You are welcome.”

He left. I heard him run down the hall, two steps at a time, and the stairwell door bang, and then nothing.

I stood in the silence. I looked at the bed, at the ruined quilt, at the plate with the crumbs of the honey bread. I looked at my own hand, and found it was trembling.

Deal, I had said.

I sat down on the edge of the mattress and put my face in my palms. I laughed once, without sound.

It was not despair. That was the strange thing. I had expected to feel it. I had waited for it to arrive, that familiar, well-worn ache of a door closing. But what I felt instead, coming up through my chest like the first green thing after winter, was hope. Foolish, enormous, terrifying hope. Because a man who does not love you does not say thank you for the bread with his voice breaking.

A man who does not love you does not look back from the door.

I picked up my phone.

He said “fuck buddies,” I typed to Sabine, and then, after a moment: I said yes.

Her answer arrived in under a minute.

Oh, Maksim, she wrote. You absolute romantic. I am so proud of you I could scream. Do NOT tell him you love him. Let him get there.

I know.

Also, is he a good kisser?

I will not answer that.

That means yes.

I turned the phone face down on the quilt. Then I lay back on the bed, on his side, where the pillow still held the warmth of his head and the smell of him, honey and bread and the last good day of my life, and I closed my eyes.

Until the end of the tournament, I thought. Or longer.

I had a good deal of time. I could wait.

Chapter 18

LEX

Terms and Conditions

Imade rules. Of course I made rules.

I wrote them on the back of a Blue Line coaster while Jason was in the shower, and I memorized them, and then I ate the coaster, because I am an adult with a plan.