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When I turn back, I see the mediator studying us with a small smile.
Elizabeth’s lawyer lets the relationship issue go for now but bites into every other one of my transgressions like a rabid dog. “I have a note from Scout’s teacher reminding the father that his son came to school in winter without a jacket. Affidavits from locals confirming Scout was seen riding a horse. He’s four! Inconsistent discipline, late bedtimes, junk food, missed doctor appointments, late pickup.” He holds up a sheaf of pages. “Whereas…my client has taken parenting classes, gone to therapy, and she’s offering him the best of everything.”
“I’ve given him everything I have! She left! Three years ago, she all but abandoned her son.” My head jolts up, looking for the source of the outburst. I see several pairs of eyes focused on me and realize I’m the one who’s lost my shit.
Callie inhales deeply next to me, which is the only sound I hear, reminding me I need to breathe. Tentatively, she places a hand on my trembling forearm, which rests on the table.
“Objection,” Elizabeth’s lawyer says quietly.
“Sustained,” the mediator says. “Mr. Reilly, please leave it to your lawyer to present the facts of the case.”
Glancing at Elizabeth, I remember her pink-cheeked glow when she told me she was pregnant, just six months after we’d met at a rodeo and started dating. We decided to get married before Scout was born, and she looked even more radiant, her round belly beneath a lacy wedding dress, dark hair flowing in waves over her shoulders. I thought I’d never be as happy as I was on that day.
The memory makes me so miserable now that I need to concentrate on not hurling my coffee onto the table in front of me. I shift in my chair, debating whether to dart from the room.
“Here,” Callie whispers, holding out a small scrap of paper under the table. I furtively look around, but everyone seems focused on John, who is ticking off a list of my fatherly accolades. “He shows up at the preschool morning circle every morning, he cooks, he has his own petting zoo behind his home for his son…”
I hold the note on my lap and unfold it. “Mention that I give good blow jobs. Happy dad equals happy kid.”
Shocked, I suck in a breath, and a shot of saliva hits my throat, so I immediately begin choking. Covering my mouth with the scrap of paper, which I’m at risk of blowing onto the courtroom floor, I try to regain my bearings as John stops talking, and everyone looks at me.
“Need some water?” the mediator asks.
Nodding, I accept a plastic bottle of water that she slides down the long table. I slug down half of it, hating the feeling of everyone looking at me. Yet…the miserable, sick feeling I had a moment ago is completely gone. So I suppose I have to thank Callie for that, even if her way of delivering relief is questionable at best.
I don’t dare look at her, but even without turning, I feel her giant smile. Jesus.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yes,” I grunt, noticing that I do feel better. But I’m not about to thank her for her bonkers antics. “I hate this.” I don’t realize I muttered that last part out loud until I feel the gentle pressure of Callie’s hand on my knee.
“I know,” she says quietly.
“Separating a father from his son is an irresponsible, unreasonable request, which is why we respectfully ask Your Honor to deny the plaintiff’s request and grant continued custody of my client and his son, Scout.”
I jolt back to attention when John mentions Scout by name.
The mediator gives Elizabeth’s lawyer his time to argue the complete opposite proposition, claiming that even though Elizabeth up and left us three years ago, she’s now had time and the right amount of therapy to come to her senses.
“She fully owns her mistakes, and she’s grown tremendously. She did leave, but she deeply regrets it. She’s since remarried and lives in a beautiful home. She plans to be a full-time mother and has the resources to offer Scout everything he needs. Private schools, the best medical care, travel, a full-time nanny for any babysitting needs. The woman you see here today has ‘done the work,’ and is now an even better mother than she ever could have been if she’d stayed in a loveless marriage to an emotionless man.”
I wait for John to object, nudging him with an elbow when he doesn’t. “Objection,” he says, turning to look at me for approval. I nod. “Unfair characterization.”
“Sustained. Counsel, refrain from descriptions that attribute blame,” the mediator says.
Elizabeth’s lawyer shrugs and throws more grenades my way. “Fine. This father has been late for school pickups, has been inconsistent with discipline, and has missed doctor’s appointments. He works twelve-hour days and relies on a parade of friends and employees to provide childcare. Not exactly the picture of family stability.”
My fists ball in my lap until I feel the soft grasp of Callie’s fingers. She massages the back of one hand with her thumb until I unclench, and then she works her fingers between mine and squeezes my hand. I don’t think anyone else can see it, so I’m not sure at first why she’s making the gesture.
Until it penetrates the thick skull that she’s doing it for me. This woman who’s already doing me a monster favor is trying to comfort me. And it works.
The lawyers keep going at it, accusing and objecting, until the mediator has had enough. “Okay, I can see we’re not going to reach an agreement here today. I’d like you to come back in a month with evidence of this new relationship and how it’s compensating for your work demands.” She points at me. Then at Elizabeth’s lawyer. “And a good explanation why a mother who left three years ago has changed enough to be the best choice for the child’s well-being. And if we can’t come to terms, I’ll turn it over to the court.”
When we get outside, he turns and stands in front of me with a giant grin on his face. “Okay, then. I’d say that went well.”
“Well?” I’m in disbelief. “What part of that do you think went well?”
“The part where you two are going to produce all sorts of new information bolstering the image of model parents who are already giving Scout the very stable environment that Elizabeth has yet to provide.”
