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Every part of me wants to tell him he doesn’t have to go. In fact, he shouldn’t go. He should stay here with me forever. But what kind of a father would I be if I didn’t encourage my son to get out of the protective bubble he has here with me and have experiences? And what kind of dad would I be if I didn’t give him a little nudge to spend time with his mother on the chance she imparts some measure of affection or wisdom, however doubtful?

“I understand. This is a new experience, and it feels far, but once you get on the road and start looking at the scenery, the minutes will fly by. And then you’ll get to see the Dodgers!”

He nods solemnly. “Okay, Daddy.”

“Yeah? Okay. You can call me anytime you want, and I’ll be right here when you get home, waiting to hear about everything. Deal?”

I hold up a hand for a high five. He slaps me with his small palm. “Deal.”

He trots out to the living room, and I hear Elizabeth ooh and aah over his grubby, used glove, even though she knows shit about baseball. My heart aches in my chest, and I look around Scout’s room as though all of this is temporary. It feels like I’m losing him even though I know that’s not rational. Not once have I had this feeling when he’s gone off to spend time with Callie. She feels like a value-add to our lives. Elizabeth feels like a subtraction.

“You okay?”

I look up to find Callie standing in the doorway. Without waiting for my answer, she comes over and wraps her arms around me. I don’t bother to wonder about the line separating our fake relationship from a real one. I’m grateful that she knows what I need.

“Don’t worry. She can’t buy him off with a Dodger Dog and a fancy jersey. He’s smarter than that. Her whole Mary Poppins routine reeks of sad desperation.”

“I know it intellectually, but that woman is trying to take him away from me.” My voice cracks on the last word, so I bury all other thoughts deep inside where they can’t reach my emotions. Then I say the thing I’ve been fighting for months. “Honestly, for the one year Elizabeth was around, she was a pretty good mother. And maybe…I’m so afraid of losing Scout that I’m forgetting that maybe he needs his mother. I don’t want to keep him here out of selfishness.”

I feel relief at no longer holding onto the words.

“I get that,” Callie says. “But she’s nowhere near the kind of parent that you are. I know that by being here and seeing how you are with him.”

I flatten my lips, the closest I can get to a smile. “The truth is that since you’ve been here, Scout has come out of his shell. He’s doing better than ever, and that’s because of you. Of having us both, maybe.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere for a while.” She holds on a little tighter, and I feel the line between us disappear.

“Good. Because I like having you here.”

“Just…breathe,” Callie says, releasing me and going over to inspect some random thing on Scout’s dresser. I know she’s giving me a chance to compose myself, and I appreciate it. I work on drawing air into my lungs and exhaling, remembering what she once said about me using breathing to communicate.

I hear myself going from frantic to calmer, and when I finally feel able to speak again, I reach for her hand and squeeze it. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” she quips. “We have the rest of the afternoon for you to repay me in ranch glam shots, remember?”

“You’re always working, huh?”

“Always.” The grin on her face says she’s kidding, but I can’t be sure. I have no choice but to take her at her word, so I do. When we get back to the living room, I find Elizabeth riling Scout up with more ways she plans to buy his affection. This time, it doesn’t rile me up as much. I see her desperation for what it is.

“And then we’ll go to the kiddie amusement park and play games. We’ll have so much fun! Okay, pal?” She’s still talking as she moves toward the front door, unaware of whether anyone is following her. Typical. She’s oblivious to anyone other than herself.

I’m about to blow my top over Elizabeth’s never-ending fantasy playdate when Callie puts a hand on my forearm. “It’s okay,” she mouths.

Even though it’s not okay and it will never be okay for me to watch Elizabeth try to make inroads with my son, I nod. Her fingers squeeze, a reassuring gesture that says more than all of Elizabeth’s wild pronouncements ever did.

I feel like a dumbass for not avoiding that trainwreck when it was happening, but if I had, I’d have missed out on Scout, the greatest part of my life.

Standing on the porch, I wait as Elizabeth backs her Range Rover out of the driveway and rolls down the lane, disappearing into the distance along with a piece of my heart.

Callie comes to stand in front of me and wraps me in a hug. “Come on, how many hugs have you had today?”

“Just two. When I dropped Scout off at school and your earlier one.”

“Two out of ten. We have a lot of ground to cover. This one has to count for two at least.”

Burying my face in her hair, I begin to understand her insistence on ten hugs per day. I inhale the only real peace I’ve had in a while.

When her grip releases, I let her go and lead her out to the horse paddock behind the house. “I have an idea.”