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Desmond: This is about you, Serena, and Tiana. You have the right to do what you feel is best for your family. You don’t have to tell anyone before you’re ready.

But I did tell him…he’s the only one I told. Well, other than GameOn057, but I don’t know if that counts, since I don’t even know who the guy is.

He and I messaged a little yesterday, but that’s it. I spent my whole life with one person other than my fling with Des. Now here I am, having tried to kiss Desmond again, and I jerked off with a random guy online, all while everyone in my life still thinks I’m in a relationship with Serena.

Shit. When did everything get so fucked up?

Me: Thanks, Des.

I think about mentioning the near kiss, but I’m still not sure how I feel about that. My thoughts are still all fucked up, not only because I tried to do it in the first place, but because he said no. While the reasoning makes sense, it was still a rejection, and what if the reason wasn’t the one he gave? What if Des just doesn’t want me?

That’s okay. It’s his right. He doesn’t owe me shit. It’s not like we would ever be anything more than what we are.

Desmond: Message me later if you need to talk.

Because of course he would offer that.

I don’t know if there’s anyone in my life who has ever messed with my head as much as Desmond Jackson.

Me: I will…sorry again about the game.

Desmond: Luck. We got you in the regular season. I’ll put money on that.

I smile before getting up to get dressed. I can’t think about Desmond right now. My family is the most important thing.

*

I’ve read up a lot about Parkinson’s disease since Sanaa’s diagnosis so I’d know what to expect, know what’s coming, and to be able to support her in the best way possible.

She’s independent as hell and stubborn as they come, so, of course, she doesn’t want my help or anyone else’s. Yeah, that works now, but there will be a time it doesn’t, and we will never know how fast the disease will progress until it’s happening.

“The Inferno are going to be more of a challenge now that they have Jackson,” Sanaa says, because of course she does. Why wouldn’t my family talk about the man I tried to kiss the other night? The one I had a fling with during my break from Ree.

“I’m glad they’re not in our conference,” Tiana adds. “That way I don’t feel as bad if I cheer for them too.”

“Hey! Who said you could do that?” I wrap an arm around her and pull her closer to me on the couch. “You’re not supposed to cheer for anyone but the Pulse.”

“Mr. Desmond is nice!” she says, as if that makes it okay for her to be a traitor.

Ree looks at her parents. “They went to a cookout at Hunter’s a few weeks back, and Desmond was there.”

“You didn’t go?” Evander asks, and if the look Ree shoots me says anything, it’s that she’s as nervous about the question as I am. I immediately stiffen, as though her missing a cookout will tell everyone in our family that she and I aren’t together anymore.

“I was with Mom,” Serena says.

“You could have gone. You didn’t have to stay with me,” Sanaa argues. “The season is starting. You and Oak already don’t have much time together when the regular season comes around.”

“Oak and I are fine, Mama. I was exactly where I wanted to be that day.” Ree curls up beside her mom, resting her head on her shoulder.

“I just want to be sure. I don’t want any of you changing your life around for me.”

“We wouldn’t dare,” Ree assures her.

We continue talking—just spending time together after the game. It’s not long after when Sanaa stands. Her right arm shakes. It’s the one that gives her the most trouble so far and what prompted her to go to the doctor to get checked out. It started slowly at first—little involuntary movements that increased in frequency and length until she couldn’t ignore them anymore.

She looks at me. “What you waiting for?” She grins.

“Yes, ma’am.” I kiss Tiana on top of the head before getting up and following Sanaa into the kitchen.