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I nodded. While he waited for me to expand, I found myself at a loss.

“I’m grateful that you’re… that is, I know I owe you an apology. The things I said before I left—and especially the false orders. There’s no excuse. I know I’ll need to re-earn your trust, Ronen. I just… I can’t tell you how shaken I was, and out of sorts. I made many decisions I now regret. Please don’t be concerned that I’d—”

“Vos, brother… it’s been hell. I know enough to know that. Donavyn explained about the bond and I can’t even imagine how you had the wherewithal to resist that.” He blew out a breath, shaking his head. “I just wished you’d trusted me enough to tell me at the time.”

“I know, but I thought you wouldn’t approve…” I met his eyes and my squad leader just stared at me, evenly, challenging the thought without words, which was often his way. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” I gulped, shrugging.

Ronen sighed. “I’ve prayed for you both every day. I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Thank you. Just, don’t tell yourself that I’ve lost my honor, or anything like that. I’m more clearheaded now.”

Ronen huffed. “Voski… this is me. We’ve been in this for how many years? You think I’ve never made a bad call?”

I finally turned to meet his eyes with a pointed look. “False orders, and resisting your superior officer? No, Ronen. Can’t say that I’ve seen that in your repertoire.”

Ronen scratched the back of his neck and shrugged. “Maybe not that, but… trust me, brother. I’m far from flawless.”

“You’re a damn sight closer than I am.”

Ronen frowned. “What’s brought this on? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled you’re thinking straight. But, why are you talking like you’re a Flameborne and I’m your new training officer? We’re peers, Vos. And seven-year brothers. That’s worth a lot.”

“I know. Thank you. I just want to be trusted again.”

He looked confused. “You are. As far as I’m concerned, it was over the moment I got past the shock. I was stunned when Donavyn told me, because I knew that wasn’t like you. I was only angry because you were obviously carrying something and didn’t think you could trust me with it. I was hurt. I thought we were closer than that.”

Ouch. “Like I said… it’s my fault—”

“Vos, stop apologizing and talk to me.” Ronen sat up straighter, turning to face me. “What brought this on? Hasn’t Donavyn talked to you? Did you think you wouldn’t be welcomed back? That whole unpinning was a ruse—even the queen knew. I didn’t at the time, but the general filled me in as soon as you were gone. You were never forgotten. That’s not what we do. Were you worried we’d want you gone?”

Sometimes. “Of course not!”

“Then…” Ronen trailed off. His brow furrowed and he put a hand to my shoulder. “Forget about that. It’s gone. Done. Tell me what’s happened? Why are you here, wanting to fight? Is this about Grace?”

Grace.

I thought I only ran a hand through my hair. I was looking for the right words, how to broach this with him. But he must have seen something in me, because he got to his feet, then offered me a hand to help me up. And when I slapped my hand into his palm, he pulled me to my feet so we stood, facing each other.

“If you’re worried about your future, don’t. We never filled your space in the squad—never intended to. We were just waiting for you to bring Grace back. So you can breathe, brother. Donavyn’s got your pin. You’ll be back in the shadows before you know it.”

Well, shit. “That’s… good. Great.” I nodded. I rolled my shoulders like I was stretching them, swinging my arms like I needed to loosen up. I was trying to find the right words. But I couldn’t get anything meaningful past my throat.

“Is it? Is that what you want now? With a mate?” Ronen stood there patiently. He had always been so fucking good at giving us space to think. But it meant I’d have to speak, or he would worry.

Hell, maybe he should. Despite dispelling all that energy, and smacking Gil, who deserved it, I felt like a tuning fork that had been rung, except, instead of the vibrations easing away, they were getting stronger.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. Then started pacing. I needed to move. I started toward the door, but I couldn’t just leave, so I turned around and walked back, hands clenched at my sides to brace, but couldn’t do it. Shook my head, and turned back for the door.

There were windows on that wall. Outside, dark was falling. The kind of light where the shadows under the trees were impenetrable to the eye, because tiny shafts of bright light still splayed out from the horizon, over the woods and from behind the distant mountains.

It was past the dinner hour? I hadn’t noticed. I didn’t feel an ounce of hunger. But that meant they’d be checking Grace and feeding her and…

“Voski?”

I turned to find Ronen had followed me, his expression grim. “Talk to me.”

I wanted to. But how?

“Just say it,” he said quietly. “Whatever it is… Ekko can help.”