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Perfect.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Shit.

I turn around to see Bella standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but another oversized T-shirt of mine.

Her eyes slide from me to the toothbrush. Then to the scale. Then back to me.

I clear my throat. “Brushing my teeth.”

One of my wife’s dark brows arches. A grin begins to tug at her lips.

“Okay, before you⁠—”

“Oh my GOD,” she suddenly cackles, throwing her head back. “Are you fucking serious right now?!”

Yeah, this would be why I’ve kept the scale hidden under the sink. I’m not embarrassed. I just recognize that Bella doesn’t demand the same level of precision of her teeth cleaning regimen that I do.

Okay, I doubt anyone does, but whatever.

“Bella, just leave it⁠—”

“You’re craaaaazy!” she giggles, stepping into the bathroom and marching right up to me.

“Jesus…”

“Oh my God you’re so crazy!!” she says gleefully, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tight. “Like batshit fucking craaazy, holy shit!”

“Bella—”

“You have a drug dealer scale for your fucking toothpaste, dude.”

I chuckle. “It’s not a drug dealer scale.”

“Like a fucking toothpaste scale is any less completely fucking insane??”

She’s still giggling her ass off as she gets up on her tiptoes to kiss me.

“You psycho! Oh my God, what else have you been hiding?! Tell me! Tell me tell me tell me!”

I chuckle again. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Immensely,” she laughs. “C’mon! You have to! Please?? Please tell me all your weird, adorable shit??”

I roll my eyes. “It’s not weird. It’s just the most efficient way to measure out how much toothpaste an adult mouth needs.”

I’m not sure what I thought would happen after I added that part. But Bella’s face is about what I probably should have expected.

“You hear yourself,” she snickers. “I know you hear yourself say these words. But I marvel on a daily basis how they don’t make the same connection in your head that they would in, like, literally anyone else’s.”

“Because,” I murmur against her mouth as I wrap my arms around her and pull her against my bare chest and sweat pants. “I’m fucking weird, little nightmare.”

Her eyes shine as she beams at me, her teeth raking over her bottom lip.

“Do me a favor. Don’t ever change that.”

I lean in to kiss her again. “Deal.”