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Turning them towards the less cultivated area of the estate where they could disappear into the trees, Christopher fell silent, the memory of Sofia’s earlier distress once again creeping into his thoughts.
“Will you tell me what was bothering you earlier, with Oliver?”
She looked away. “It’s been perfect tonight. I don’t want to ruin it.”
He was considering how to respond when Sofia held up a hand and froze, pointing to a couple tucked together against a tree. It took only a moment to identify the pair as Violet and Gabriel.
Before they could turn and quietly back away, Gabriel spoke, and even with the privacy of the darkened woods, Christopher could see the desperation with which he clung to her. “You will have an uneventful, boring confinement, followed by the shortest labour in the history of Great Britain.” His voice was raspy, pleading. “A healthy baby will be born, pink and perfect and very much alive. She will scream so loudly and enthusiastically that the goats will hear her in the paddock and cover their ears with their hooves. And you will comment that any fears that might have plagued me were completely unfounded, as you were more taxed by sheep washing than by bringing our tiny child into the world.” Violet made a noise as if to respond but Gabriel cut off her words with his own. “You will be healthy and vibrant and goddamned alive when you are finished. That is what is going to happen, Violet, and I will not entertain the notion that anything less than blissful will occur.”
“Gabriel,” Violet responded in a patient tone, “I’ve seen goat does in labour. Even the best circumstances are far from blissful.”
Gabriel cut her off with a kiss, then tore his mouth away. “BLISS-FUL. Do you hear me, Violet Anson?”
Sofia looked up at Christopher with a satisfied smile, then indicated with a jerk of her head the direction of retreat.
“All right.” Violet said. “Blissful. May I just say one thing though? Then I promise I will allow you to live in whatever cloud of rainbows you wish to reside for the next seven months.”
“Very well, one thing. And then it’s back to rainbows and kissing for me. I’m going to need a lot of kissing.”
Violet’s voice continued to carry over the breeze as Sofia and Christopher carefully tiptoed into the shadows.
“I appreciate your valiant optimism, Gabriel, but it’s all right if you’re scared. I realise your fear is not an indication you’re not happy about growing our family further. I wanted to protect you from those feelings, even while I realised it was an impossible thing to do. I am not going to become less pregnant anytime soon. I love you, Gabriel. I won’t love you any less if you struggle your way through my confinement, counting the days until it’s over.”
Christopher paused just before they would step out of earshot, awaiting Gabriel’s reply.
“Thank you, sweetheart. But this is the only way I will be able to survive the next seven months. I need to hold onto the rainbows because the alternative is the kind of epic thunderstorm that will tear my heart from my chest. And I am going to need my heart to remain right where it is, because very soon I will have one more person to love.”
Sofia gave a sharp tug to Christopher’s arm, coupled with a meaningful glare, and he promptly followed her footsteps.
“I’m glad for them,” Sofia said once they had circled back to the privacy of the rose garden.
“He’ll be a bear to live with for the next seven months,” Christopher said with the hint of a smile in his voice, “but I am proud of him. He’s fighting for the life he wants. Fighting for his joy. Falling in love is effortless. Any idiot can do it. It’s everything that comes after that takes bravery.”
She rested her head against his shoulder, and he turned to breathe in the scent of her hair.
“Is it bravery to stay and fight when the battle may be impossible to win? Or is it merely foolishness?” Sofia asked. “If your duke knew Emma would die in childbirth, that he would lose his late wife and his heart, would he have married her anyway?”
Christopher raised his eyes to the stars, tracing the constellations with his gaze, and let the memory of Emma wash over him. “He would have chosen to love her for a single day if that was all he could have. And it’s the same now with Violet, but all the sweeter for knowing the precariousness of life and love.”
“What about your papa? Death is but one way to crush a heart. Would he have loved your mother knowing that she would choose to leave? That she would willingly walk the path that led her away from him?”
Christopher shook his head and looked at the ground. “I don’t know, Sofi. What’s this about?”
Cold rippled across his skin and he shivered despite the balmy August air. His feet drew him closer to the warmth of her, and he took one of her hands between both of his. It was slack and chilled, and he squeezed her fingers as if he could circulate life and determination back into her body after their brief conversation had somehow leached it all away.
Again, he turned his gaze to the sky, admiring the scattered stars that gave relief to the pitch black above and searching for the words that would draw her back to him. A streak flashed across the sky, brilliant for a moment, then fell away into the vast abyss. It seemed wrong to wish upon the death of something so beautiful, but he did it anyway, then cleared his throat before continuing.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what my father would have done. I saw their marriage through a child’s eyes. Maybe my papa only fought for her once it was already too late, or maybe she never loved him in the first place.” Christopher took her face between his hands, silently imploring her to meet him there. “I only know my own heart, my own feelings. And Sofi, if you left me, I would follow. It wouldn’t even be a conscious choice. Tumble from the heavens, my shooting star, and I will break from my orbit in search of your light.”
She dissolved into his body, clinging to him as if he was the last safe place in the universe. And Christ, he would be that for her if she would let him. He wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.
“I love you,” he whispered into her hair. “And maybe you don’t know what that means, but I do. And I will keep loving you until you figure it out.” He kissed her curls, ran his fingers up and down her back, and listened to the sounds of the night all around them. He wouldn’t ask her to explain. He knew it was more than she could give. Christopher had learned so much of Sofia by carefully considering the gaping holes of herself that she would not discuss.
When she loosened her grip and found his gaze, there was renewed determination and certainty there, as if she had skipped to the last chapter of the book and learned that everything would be okay. That beyond all the suspense and heartache of the climax, the hero and heroine would cling to their implausible dream and trample the odds. She was never more beautiful than in that moment, her eyes alight with hope. And when she kissed him, dawn broke over his soul.
Christopher’s halfhearted attempts to shoo Sofia off to sleep amidst tender kisses and incendiary caresses made for a long, slow walk to her door. After a final heated kiss goodnight, and one last longing gaze at her bed, Christopher finally tore himself away and left her to sleep.
Her thoughts were reeling.