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“This is your shop. You made it everything it is.”
“And I’m tired of the responsibility. All of you are fucking great artists, and you guys make it easy to manage this place, but I’m ready to just have a booth somewhere and relax. Veni, vidi, vici. I came, I saw, I conquered, you know?” She smiled, looking around the shop she’d poured her heart and soul into. “I’ve been talking to a place already. It’s the most booked shop in New York, and they have space for two artists. They asked me about you.”
Jasper’s brow knitted. “You’re talking about Canvas Creative. They want me?” There were artists who’d been in the industry twice as long as him who had been turned down by that place.
“You could make more than you’re making here. I’m talking ‘work three days a week and still break even’ money. You already stay booked, Jasper. You could raise your rates and still stay plenty busy in a place like that.”
Calling it the opportunity of a lifetime somehow still felt like an understatement.
“When are you going?” he asked, his mouth dry.
“Next month. Thanks to the awards, this shop is high profile, so it won’t be hard to sell. But I’m going to be damn picky with who I transfer the lease to, because they’re inheriting my family.”
Jasper gave a jerky nod. “And how long do I have to decide?”
“I got you two weeks.” She pushed off the wall, came to put a hand on his shoulder. “I would love to have you there with me, Jasper, but more than anything I want you to do what’s best for you. And I know you’ve put some roots down here. You and Konrad are going pretty steady.”
“I love him.”
Fuck. He’d never actually said it out loud. The words came out stilted, unfamiliar in his mouth.
Hiyori smiled at the admission. “It’s about a three and a half hour drive. Not too bad,” she said, squeezing his shoulder before letting her hand fall away.
Three and a half hours wasn’t the end of the world, especially with all the time off Jasper would have, but the thought still made his stomach lurch. He and Konrad were just short of inseparable, especially since they’d gone to see Anna two weeks ago.
Three hours wasn’t a bad drive, but to what end? It wasn’t like it would be temporary. Jasper would be working somewhere that no one in their right mind would leave, and Konrad’s restaurant was here, in Annapolis. Living in separate states was hardly sustainable in the long term. Maybe it would be for other couples, but they slept in the same bed almost every night. They still had their own things and took time to themselves, but Jasper had grown attached to sleeping next to him. He didn’t want that to change.
He also didn’t know if he wanted to give up the best thing that could possibly happen to his career.
Hiyori left him to his thoughts and to get ready for his next client. He composed a text to Konrad, relaying everything he’d just been told, then backspaced it all. This wasn’t something Jasper would want to be told over a text, and he didn’t think Konrad would either.
Jasper told him after dinner that night. He broke out the moonshine after they cleaned up, and there must have been something on his face as he poured it into two mason jars, because Konrad’s concern was all over his face as Jasper passed him one. “Darling?”
“Hiyori’s moving to New York.” Jasper took a long drink. He put the jar down on the kitchen counter. “She’s going to be working at the most well-known shop in New York. One of the most well known in the United States, actually.”
“I’m very happy for her, but I’m also sorry. I know she’s a dear friend, and distance, however commutable, seems to inevitably form a divide.”
The words hit him like something hard and solid connecting with his stomach. Konrad reached for him and Jasper stepped back, unsure if he could even entertain the idea of leaving while in Konrad’s arms. “I was invited to join her there. At a shop with more followers on Instagram than some celebrities.” He laughed bitterly; he hated the twinge of excitement he got at the thought of accepting the invitation, of learning from the artists he would be sharing a space with.
He felt guilty. Because of the inevitable divide, as Konrad so eloquently put it.
“Do you wish to go?” Konrad asked, his voice smooth as silk. Too smooth for Jasper to buy it.
“Yes. No? I don’t know.” Jasper took another drink of moonshine and chewed his thumbnail, feeling the polish crack under the pressure, and tasted the bitter flakes of it on his tongue. “New York is a million times more congested than here. I would have to sell the house. You and I would… I don’t even know. I would be in another state.”
“You nearly live in another state now,” Konrad said softly, but the words still sounded pained. It was true, the farmhouse was just shy of the Virginia border.
Jasper echoed his words back to him. “Distance, however commutable—”
“I wasn’t talking about us.”
“You didn’t know you were talking about us.”
Jasper knew he was making this harder. He was scared, baring his teeth when he was only being offered a gentle hand. It was in his nature but that was no excuse. He knew that, and yet he still felt like he was witnessing this all from the outside, watching himself lash out like a cornered animal.
It was the airport all over again. Striking the match himself because it seemed inevitable that they would turn to ash between his fingers either way if he went to New York. He’d only just started to overcome his fears that Konrad would get sick of him, and now he was thinking about putting three and a half hours and a state line between them. Self-imposed destruction of the best thing in his life.
Except he remembered how well that went last time, after Vegas. And, inconveniently, he was now too in love with Konrad to let him be the collateral damage of misguided attempts at protecting himself. Again.
