Page 134

"I know." He does it again. "I'm going."

I pull back onto the road. For once, I don't spend the drive trying to figure out exactly what I'm going to say. I've done enough of that. This time I'm just going to tell her. By the time I get home, I have fifteen minutes before Maddy arrives. I make coffee. Not because I particularly need coffee this late in the afternoon. Because standing in my kitchen waiting for Maddy to arrive turns out to be harder than I expected, and making coffee gives my hands something to do.

I hear tires on gravel. Atlas is at the door before I am.

"Stay." He looks at me. "Don't make me look bad." His tail hits the wall.

I step onto the porch as Maddy pulls in. She sits behind the wheel for a second before getting out. Jeans, soft green sweater, hair loose around her shoulders. She closes the door and looks at me. I walk down the steps.

"Thanks for coming."

"Of course." There's no anger in her voice. But the easy warmth from last night isn't there either. Not yet.

I open the door for her. Atlas immediately abandons me. Maddy crouches to greet him.

"Hi, handsome." He leans his entire body against her. She laughs softly. "Subtle."

"He's never been accused of it." She looks up at me. For the first time since she arrived, something close to a smile touches her mouth. I'll take it.

"I made coffee."

"Coffee sounds good."

I pour two cups while she sits at the kitchen table. I know how she takes hers now. That shouldn't matter. It does. I set the mug in front of her.

"Thanks."

I sit across from her. For a moment, neither of us speaks. Then I wrap both hands around my coffee.

"The woman you saw this morning is Diana."

Maddy looks at me. "I know."

"Jack told you."

"Yes."

I nod. "She was my wife." Maddy waits. No questions. No helping me along. Just room. So I keep going.

"We were married nine years. Things got bad after I came home. I wasn't sleeping. I was angry. Sometimes I shut down completely." I stare into my coffee. "I had PTSD. I knew something was wrong before I had a name for it. Once I did, I still thought I should be able to fix it myself." Maddy's hands tighten slightly around her mug. "I couldn't."

I look at her. "Diana was scared. I didn't understand how scared until much later. She was trying to hold our family together while I was trying to pretend I wasn't falling apart." I stop. This is the door. The one I've kept shut for twelve years.

"We had a son."

Maddy goes very still.

"His name is Diego." Her eyes widen. "He's twenty."

"Javier..."

"I haven't seen him since he was eight."

Pain moves across her face. Not pity. I'm grateful for that.

"Diana left and took him with her. I can understand why she left. I wasn't doing well." I pause. "But taking Diego and keeping him from me was different."

Maddy nods.