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“Did you say it back?”
“Yes,” I muttered.
Rafe shook his head. “I get you wanting to protect him while he’s under the stress of that interview. But I can’t help wondering if another reason you don’t want to tell him is that you’re just playing with me, and you’ll go back to him.” He started to pace again. “If that’s the case, what the fuck are we even doing? Here I am thinking I stand a chance to have something real with you, but maybe I’m just gonna end up hurt.”
“Rafe…you told me I’d have these two weeks to figure this out. It’s only been a couple of days. Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun?”
“I can’t help it. It’s like I fucking woke up one day on some twisted finale of The Bachelorette.” He mocked, “You know, which one will she pick? That kind of shit. Rosemary watches that show, and I always pity those fools fawning over some damn woman who claims to care about each of them.” He shook his head. “You can’t love two people.”
Sure, you can. “How could I not care about you both, Rafe? I’ve been with Calder for a long time, and I will always care about him. That doesn’t negate how I feel about you.”
“He’s going to come back, and I’ll conveniently go away to Vegas, and then what? He’ll have the home-court advantage of living with you.”
“What am I supposed to do about that? I have no control over your plans.”
He looked up at the ceiling. “You can move out of the upstairs apartment and live down here while I’m gone. You can have your own space and also be closer to Aunt Rosie if she needs you.”
While that made some sense, I didn’t like being told what to do.
“You can’t just dictate where I’m supposed to live, Rafe.”
“I’m not telling you to live here.” His expression softened. “I’m asking you.” His eyes seared into mine. “Do it for me.”
What have I done? I’d never seen Rafe this vulnerable before. In truth, there was no reason I couldn’t take him up on that offer. Calder probably wouldn’t be happy with me staying at Rafe’s apartment, even if Rafe wasn’t here. But the space might be good for us.
“I’ll do it,” I told him. “But I want to make something very clear. I’m doing it for me. Because I do think living alone for a while after Calder gets back will be healthy.”
“Okay.” Rafe exhaled. “Speaking of being alone… That’s what I need right now. I think you should sleep upstairs tonight.”
I composed my face, not letting him see my pain. “Sure.”
As I went upstairs, Rafe stopped me, catching my wrist from behind and pulling me toward him.
“Fuck, Talia. I don’t really want you to go. I want to fuck the shit out of you and leave you with marks all over your damn body, so Calder sees them when he comes back. That’s why you need to get away from me right now.”
Why does that idea excite me? Because I’m sick in the head.
Rafe dragged his hands through his hair. “I’m a terrible person.”
“I’m sorry I upset you,” I murmured.
“It’s not your fault. It’s the situation, compounded by the fact that I’m leaving soon but not ready to leave you.”
He kissed my lips before he pushed me away again. “Go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
No part of me wanted to leave him right now, but I put one foot in front of the other and made my way back up the stairs.
CHAPTER 31
Friday afternoon after work, I’d passed Rafe’s closed door and headed upstairs to take a shower. But he hadn’t been far from my mind since.
That evening, I called my mother to vent. I was so lucky to have her, the one person who would love me no matter how bad my decisions were.
“Hey, Mom.” I blew out a shaky breath as I lay back on the couch.
“You sound like something’s wrong.”
“There is something wrong. Something very wrong with me.” I rubbed my temple.
