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Watching this was not helping my fragile emotional state. But I didn’t turn it off. I couldn’t.

For the next two hours, I stayed curled up in his bed, wearing one of his T-shirts, watching him work. There was something hypnotic about seeing him create. Every once in a while, he’d take a short pause and look over at the screen.

“You still here?” He smiled. “Damn, you must be pretty bored.”

Finally, he set the tools down and stepped back. His chest rose and fell beneath his damp shirt. His hair had come loose from the rubber band and strands stuck to his forehead and neck. He looked a mess, an achingly beautiful mess.

He turned the glass frame he’d been working on toward the camera and revealed a sad but beautiful portrait of an older man. After a moment, he walked toward the camera and crouched in front of it. “Well,” he said, “thank you for hanging out with me tonight. I didn’t know if anyone would join or stick around.”

I touched the screen. I wanted to tell him I’d stayed. Of course I’d stayed. I would have watched him all night. It let me feel closer to him than I had in a month, and I would take whatever I could get.

He smiled one last time. “Goodnight, everyone.”

A few seconds later, the screen went black. For a long moment, I didn’t move. The silence in the apartment felt almost as enormous as the ache in my chest. I’d loved every minute of watching him, but now that he was gone, it somehow hurt even more. I swallowed, tasted salt, and closed my eyes, hugging the phone against my chest as I tried to stave off tears.

But it was no use. One slipped out. Then another. And then…

My phone buzzed in my hand.

I lifted it, and my heart thudded.

Rafe: How did you like the show?

Oh my God. He knew?

I sprang upright and wiped my eyes.

Talia: You knew I was watching?

My heart raced as the little dots jumped around.

Rafe: You can see when someone joins a live. But I wasn’t sure how long you stayed.

Talia: I watched the entire thing. I find what you do as amazing as the first time I watched you create a piece.

Rafe: Thank you.

I waited for more. When a few minutes went by and nothing came, I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I continue the conversation? I jumped when another message pinged.

Rafe: Why did you watch?

The answer was an easy one. But was it one I should share? I nibbled my lip as I debated the right way to respond. In the end, there was only one way to handle things. With honesty.

Talia: Because I miss you.

I could’ve stopped there. But before I could overthink it, I added:

Talia: And I didn’t realize you could tell who was watching.

There was a pause before another message came in.

Rafe: You wouldn’t have watched if you knew I could see?

I smiled.

Talia: I don’t have that much self-control. But I didn’t want you to see me stalking you.

Rafe: Was this the first time you visited my page?