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“Great!”

“I figured you’d be happy about that.”

“I am.”

Relief washed over me, because Calder coming back meant I’d be distracted by my boyfriend again. I wanted my old life back, the one where I wasn’t struggling with a secret desire burning inside me. The one where I appreciated what I had instead of craving things I didn’t. The grass wasn’t always greener, even if on the surface it seemed so.

The fact that I had to think of Calder as a distraction, though, made me quite disappointed in myself.

Back in my apartment, I still had lots of time before I needed to start getting ready. Extremely tense, I put some new sheets on the bed and buried myself under them. After that, I spent the next ten minutes bringing myself to orgasm. Feel it, I chanted silently, taking my own advice.

CHAPTER 10

Lacey Chambers, one of the marketing executives at Diamond Publishing, had spent the afternoon showing me around the offices. Turned out many of the higher-ups were at a book fair overseas and wouldn’t be back until next week. Lacey seemed happy to show me around. And certainly any nerves I’d had about the tour had dissipated once I realized most of the editors and the president were gone.

The office was colorful and surprisingly quirky. Employees were even encouraged to bring their dogs to work. It made me wish I had a dog just so I could take advantage of that.

There’s an idea. Maybe I should get a dog… It would give me something to focus on when Calder was away.

After the office tour, Lacey convinced me to go out for drinks. She was tall, blonde, and gorgeous. Before this job, she’d been a social media book influencer with a massive following. The company had snatched her up for a marketing position, which apparently included schmoozing with new employees. Or in this case, boozing with new employees.

We ended up at a bar down the street from the publishing house in Midtown. As we sipped, Lacey told me about a recent break-up she’d gone through, and that made me feel like I could talk to her, too. One drink led to two and two led to...I don’t know, maybe four or five. Before I knew it, I was spilling my guts to Lacey about my current situation on the homefront. Specifically, how I was attracted to my partner’s friend and the guilt associated with it. I knew I’d likely regret all the sharing once the alcohol wore off, but in the moment, it felt so damn good to talk about these inappropriate feelings. I wanted to have someone tell me I wasn’t crazy, that I wasn’t a bad person.

Lacey licked a bit of salt off her margarita. “You’ve never cheated on someone before?”

“God, no.” I shook my head. “And I would never consider it. That’s not what this is about. I’m trying very hard not to have these feelings. I wish they would just go away.”

She leaned in. “You know that’s a recipe for disaster, right? Trying not to feel what comes naturally? Rather than fight it, lean into it. Enjoy the little interactions with him, even if you don’t act on them. We only live once. Talking and flirting doesn’t hurt anyone.”

I hiccupped, a bit of my Cosmo coming up on me. “You’re saying I should enjoy flirting with my boyfriend’s best friend?”

“Yes. If it feels good,” she said. “It’s like foreplay without the payoff. Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it. It just always leaves you wanting more. Is that necessarily a bad thing?”

I closed my eyes for a moment. The alcohol was really hitting me. “The thing is, I don’t really know if what’s been happening between us is flirting. I sometimes wonder if the connection is all in my head. Maybe I’m blowing it out of proportion because I’m so attracted to him.”

“You’re right. There’s no way to know if it’s not directly acknowledged. I’d be willing to bet it’s reciprocal, though. You’re a beautiful woman, Talia. He just knows his hands are tied.”

“Anyway…” I sighed. “Please don’t mention this to anyone at work. I probably need my head examined for opening up to a co-worker like this before I’ve even started the damn job.”

She downed the last of her drink and laughed. “This is so refreshing. I love that you’re an open book.” She winked. “No pun intended.”

I laughed, too, but more and more, I realized I needed to get out of there. I hadn’t been this drunk in a while. I thanked her profusely and told her I needed to be on my way. I took a car home, and after it dropped me off at the house that evening, I unsteadily climbed the stairs. At one point, I missed a step and nearly fell flat on my face.

“Are you okay?”

I turned to find that Rafe had come out of his apartment.

This is so embarrassing. “Oh my God, Rafe. I’m so drunk.” I hiccupped.

He took my hand and helped me up. “I heard a bang. I didn’t expect to find you on the ground. Were you out partying?”

“I went out with one of my new co-workers. Not sure what I was thinking.”

“You were letting loose in your new city—something you should’ve done already by now. It’s all good. You probably needed it.”

“I know, but I should’ve stopped at two drinks. That’s normally my limit.” I blinked. “Okay… Now I’m seeing two of you. Not that I mind…”

Did I just say that?