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“Yeah…” I blew out a long breath. “I mean, I’m a little in shock.”

“You once told me you’d love to live overseas. I feel like this might be our opportunity. We wouldn’t have to settle over there forever. But if I worked this position for a few years, it would set me up well for a similar job here.”

That was indeed logical, yet I could hardly breathe as I held onto the sides of the table. We’d just moved. Now we would be moving again? Panic washed over me. Though at this point I had no idea whether I was panicking about a possible move to London or everything else.

“Hey.” Calder reached across the table. “Breathe. It’s okay. I didn’t mean to freak you out. It’s a long shot anyway. I haven’t even applied yet. So don’t panic until there’s reason to. I mainly brought it up so you could think about it. I obviously need your blessing if I’m gonna go for it.”

But I couldn’t, in good conscience, hold him back from this opportunity after what I’d just done. I shook my head. “Of course you have to go for it.” Even if you go without me.

As I shoved another sushi roll into my mouth, I came to a sad revelation. Despite all the obvious reasons I might be troubled by the possibility of leaving New York, the thing that bothered me the most was the idea of leaving Rafe.

And that said a lot.

CHAPTER 19

Who dreads the weekend?

It was almost six thirty on Friday evening, and I was still sitting at my desk, staring at a blank screen like I was in a trance.

“You know, you don’t get brownie points for staying late when all the bosses are already gone,” my co-worker Lacey teased.

I jumped. I hadn’t even heard her walk over. “I just need to finish reading this manuscript, and then I’m going to head out.”

Lacey eyed my screen, which wasn’t even turned on anymore. “If you say so. Have a good weekend.”

“You too.”

As she walked away, my phone buzzed on my desk.

Calder: What’s your ETA? I’m making you a special dinner.

The last thing I deserved was anything special from my boyfriend. I typed back, barely blinking at my lies.

Talia: Sorry. I have to finish reading a manuscript before I can go. I haven’t even left the office yet.

He responded immediately.

Calder: No worries. I’ll hold off putting anything in the oven until you get home. I can give you a shoulder rub while it cooks. How does that sound?

Freaking awful. All I wanted to do was crawl into my old bedroom back in Montana, pull the blinds, and sleep through the entire weekend. I knew that was childish, but living with my boyfriend left me nowhere to hide, nowhere to escape the kindness I didn’t deserve.

Guilt was a rock in my stomach. Calder was home making me dinner and offering me shoulder rubs, and I was fucking his best friend. Actually, not fucking. That implied it was continuing. Had fucked. Because it was never, ever going to happen again.

Eventually, the cleaning crew arrived to vacuum, so I forced myself to leave the office. I was on the train platform waiting for the number 3 when my phone buzzed again. I opened it to find a selfie from Calder, wearing an apron and a huge smile. He had a bottle of wine in one hand and two candles in the other. I started to cry.

The 3 train pulled in. Its doors slid open. People got off and on. And I just stood there while it pulled away. Then I was alone on the platform again. That felt fitting, considering it was exactly how I felt. I lived in a city with more than eight-million people, and in a house with two men I’d now slept with, yet I’d never felt so utterly alone in my life.

I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt and stood there, breathing hard.

The next train thundered in a few minutes later, and this time I made myself get on. I rode home to Brooklyn staring at my reflection in the darkened window across from me, barely recognizing the woman looking back.

When I finally arrived at the brownstone, I climbed the steps with my stomach in knots. Rafe’s apartment door was closed—hopefully locked, with him gone for the night. That thought gave me the first ounce of relief I’d felt all day. But it didn’t last long, because when I reached the third floor, I opened the door to find romance central. Soft music drifted from the bedroom, and the lights were off except for the glow of candles. The table was set, and a bottle of wine waited beside two glasses.

Calder turned and smiled. “There she is.”

If it were possible, my heart cracked a little more. How had I done something so awful to this sweet man? I swallowed past a big lump in my throat. “Hey.”

He stepped forward and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “How was your day, my hard-working lady?”