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That stabbed my heart, but it made sense. “Fair enough.” I nodded. “I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize your chances.”

“It’s not just about me, though,” he continued. “Me being gone will be good for you, too. It might help you decide what you want, get a feel for what it’s like to not have me around.”

Sadness welled in my chest. That also made sense.

“I think you should be alone here with Rafe,” he added after a moment.

He wants me alone with Rafe? I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”

“Let me explain, then. I could never consider working on things with you if you might let anything happen again with him. With me out of the way, you’ll be lonely. If there was ever a time you would slip, it would be while I’m away.” His face turned red. “You didn’t let the fact that I was here stop you, so…imagine with me gone.”

Looking down at my feet, I nodded. He had no respect for me anymore. Because respect had to be earned. I lifted my gaze. “So, what you’re saying, Calder, is that you don’t trust me, and this is a test. While I can sort of understand, it’s unsettling to feel like I’m being set up to fail.”

He raised his voice. “Well, I’m sorry if you feel unsettled, Talia. I assure you it’s a drop in the bucket compared to how I’ve felt.” He pulled in a breath and composed himself. “But like I said before, I don’t feel like I would be clearheaded with you there, so it’s not just about testing your loyalty.”

I wanted to assure him nothing would happen, that Rafe had made it clear he didn’t want to pursue anything with me anyway. But then I’d have to admit that Rafe and I had spoken, and that would probably make things worse. So I just kept my mouth shut.

Maybe these two weeks were what I needed to clear my head, get to know myself, and to understand what I truly wanted.

“I’m going to miss you,” I told him. That was the truth. “You believe me when I say that, right?”

Calder gritted his teeth. “I believe that you care about me and that you know you made a mistake. I also believe that on some level, you love me. But I don’t trust you anymore.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure I ever will again.” He hesitated. “But I love you enough to not give up just yet.”

“That’s understandable.” I took a couple of steps toward him. “I want you to know, I’m going to make the best of our time apart. I’ll figure out what’s going on with me so I’m not wasting any more of your time. The fact that you’re willing to entertain working things out with me is a real testament to your love. I’ve always admired you, Calder. But I’ve never had more respect for you than I do after the way you’ve handled this situation.”

He laughed angrily. “Drinking my heart out, you mean?”

“Well, not necessarily that part. I can’t blame you for that, though.”

He sighed. “The drinking is over. I need to get my head in shape for this trip. Alcohol worked for a little while to numb the pain, but it’s not serving me anymore.”

“I’m glad. I was worried about you.” I realized I hadn’t asked one of the most important questions. “When do you leave?”

“Monday.”

Just a couple of days.

CHAPTER 27

The following Tuesday, the day after Calder left, I found myself very distracted at work. He’d called this morning from London to let me know he got in safely. And since then, I kept thinking about how he was not going into this London trip with a clear head, thanks to me. What if he lost the opportunity? There was a very good chance he and I were not going to make it regardless. He’d worked hard and deserved to have his dream job, especially after the raw deal I’d given him.

What I should have done was redouble my efforts to focus on the manuscript I had to review. But instead, I switched screens from my work project to check out what Rafe had been up to online, the last place I should have been putting my attention.

Before I could get too far, I heard a voice behind me.

“Busted.” Lacey laughed.

I turned to find her leaning against my cubicle. She crossed her arms. “Wanna go get coffee?”

Someone’s dog barked from across the office. I hadn’t taken a lunch break today, so I took her up on her offer.

Lacey and I ended up at a café down the street. It wasn’t until I sat down that I realized I’d ordered Calder’s favorite: a blueberry scone and black coffee. A hollow feeling developed in my chest.

After Lacey fetched her latte and croissant, she took a seat across from me. I’d hoped she wouldn’t mention the website she caught me checking out, but I didn’t get so lucky.

“So, you’re still wrapped up in him, huh?” She took a bite of her croissant.

I blew on my coffee. “Could we not talk about that?”