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I stared at the ceiling, at the rough stone that had once been Bayer's prison. My mate had been locked in this place by his own father, starved and beaten and told he was worthless, and he'd still found the courage to love me. To love me so fiercely that it terrified him when I was in danger.

"He carved me a necklace," I said, my hand going to my throat where the little bear pendant still hung. Christopher hadn't taken it—probably hadn't seen the value in a hand-carved trinket. "Three bear cubs. He made it with his own hands because he wanted me to have something to carry when things got hard."

My fingers closed around the pendant, feeling the tiny ridges of each carved cub against my palm.

"I spent weeks pushing him away," I admitted, the words tasting like poison. "Because he loved me enough to want me safe, and I didn't know what to do with that. I’ve just wasted so much time."

Ben was watching me with those silver eyes that saw too much. "You were the one to point out we had more in common than we realized," he said slowly.

I let out a watery laugh. "The self-sabotage club?"

"The 'I don't deserve good things' club," he corrected quietly. "Membership apparently includes getting kidnapped by vampires."

Despite everything—the cold, the fear, the aching bite on my neck, and the guilt crushing my chest—I laughed. It was small and broken, but it was real.

"When we get out of here," I said, and I made it when, not if, because I had to believe Bayer was coming, "I'm going to tell him every day."

"Tell him what?"

"That he deserves me. That I'm sorry. That I'm scared of how much he means to me because I let my past screw up my future." I pressed the pendant harder against my palm until the edges bit into my skin. "That he's my whole world too, and I've been too much of a coward to say it properly."

Ben smiled, and for a moment, the fear in his eyes eased. "He knows, Danny."

"Maybe," I conceded. "I told him I loved him, but I’ve never shown him.”

Now he was going to die for me.

"He'll bring the whole pack," Ben said, but his voice lacked conviction. "Phoenix won't let him come alone. And Rhys could take him."

"Christopher will make him come alone," I whispered. "And Bayer will do it. He'll do exactly what that monster asks because..." I couldn't finish the sentence. Because of me. Because I was carrying his cubs.

"The pack won't let him—"

"The pack can't stop him!" I snapped, then immediately felt guilty for taking my fear out on Ben. "I'm sorry. I just...I know Bayer. He'll sacrifice himself without a second thought if he thinks it'll save us."

Ben was quiet for a long moment. When he spoke again, his voice was thick with frustration. "This is bullshit. All of it. I should have been able to fight him off. I should have sensed what he was. Instead, I just stood there like an idiot while he knocked me out."

"Ben—"

"No, don't," he cut me off, his gray eyes flashing with anger—at himself, at Christopher, at the whole situation. "I'm tired of everyone making excuses for me. 'You're young, Ben.' 'You're still learning, Ben.' 'Your abilities haven't fully developed yet, Ben.'" He slammed his palm against the stone wall, and I heard the smack. "I'm fucking useless! Rhys could have torn Christopher apart. Hell, even a regular wolf could have put up a fight. But me? I just stood there."

"You were ambushed by a silver-skin," I said firmly. "A silver-skin who fooled everyone, including experienced shifters. This isn't about your abilities."

"Then what is it about?" Ben demanded, his voice rising. "Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like I'm the reason we're both trapped down here. I'm the reason Christopher had leverage to lure you out. I'm the reason Bayer is going to walk into a trap!"

“He threatened my mom,” I admitted, hoping to make his guilt a little easier

Ben shut up immediately. “Is she okay?”

“He said so, and I’m choosing to believe him.” He was cruel enough to enjoy telling me if he’d killed her. “Ben—”

"Estrelle's been trying to talk to me," he burst out, the words tumbling over each other. "My mom. My birth mom. She's been asking to meet, wanting to explain things." He laughed bitterly, the sound echoing off the stone walls. "And I've been avoiding her like a sulky baby. Punishing her for something that wasn’t her fault. Walking out of a room when she walks in it."

I blinked, surprised by the sudden confession. I thought it had been Estrelle avoiding Ben, not the other way around. "Why?"

"Because I'm an idiot!" Ben slammed his palm against the wall again, harder this time. "Because I was so busy being angry and resentful about what she did—the curse, my foster dad—that I never stopped to think maybe she could help me, so I wouldn’t be so useless." His voice cracked. He looked at me, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "And what if I die without even knowing her?"

The raw pain in his voice made my chest ache. "You're not defective, Ben."