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Forbidden Forward

Page 107

by G.K. Brady

“Against you.”

“W-why protect himself against me?” I stammer.

“He’s not trying to protect himself against you. He thinks he’s protecting you from him. He’s afraid he’s going to hurt you, like actually injure you, so he’s removing himself from the equation.”

A light flares to life in my head. Now what Colby said makes sense, like why he said, “I’m going to do something someday that will hurt you.”

Lindsey follows up with, “It’s sweet but kinda misguided, in my opinion.” Then she laughs out loud. A real laugh, and it releases some of the tension I’ve been carrying inside.

“I’m not sure I understand,” I say, “but okay?” My confusion is obvious, and I sound like an idiot.

“By the way,” Colby’s sister continues, “to my or Peggy’s knowledge, he’s never let a woman set foot on his boat before, yet he’s taken you out on the Gail Force more than once.”

Colby did a lot more than let me set foot on his boat, but I don’t share that with his sister. “He told you that?” Yes, I’m fishing and not doing a very good job of it either.

“No, Peggy did.” I deflate, but my spirits pick up when she adds, “When I asked him about you, he told me to mind my own business—not in a polite way either. That’s what tipped me off to how he feels about you. Jackie, you have to understand that Colby has never even mentioned a passing interest in someone, let alone let her into his world. And on the outside, that world may look like it’s about sailing and showing kids what they’re capable of, but it’s not. It’s about making up for what he believes are his past sins. That’s what drives my brother.

“Now I’m willing to bet my sweet black Lab that Colby’s not only fallen for you, but he’s fallen hard—and that’s why he retreated.”

“Does he pull away from you and Peggy too?” I’m genuinely curious.

Lindsey chuckles. “Not anymore because he knows we’ll kick his butt across the ocean—especially our aunt Peggy.”

“Wait. Peggy’s your aunt?”

“I see he didn’t share that detail either,” Lindsey snorts. “No surprise, though. Yes, she’s our aunt, and she’s known Colby since he was a baby and probably better than our parents. Don’t get me wrong. He tests the waters and tries to cut us off every once in a while, but we don’t let him get away with it. He’s stuck for life.” Another laugh.

“Why would he distance himself from family?”

“Like I said, he cares too much. Since he was eight, Colby has been convinced he’ll hurt anyone who gets close to him. I’m not talking feelings here. I’m talking literally, physically injuring someone.”

My jaw drops, and in my confusion it takes a beat to pick it back up again.

Lindsey seems to read my mind, and she lets loose a laugh. “I’m making it sound like he beats people up. That’s not what I mean! He’s a pain in the ass on the ice—also because of our childhood—but he leaves that guy behind when he walks out of the arena. What I meant to say was he retreats to protect people he loves, and that’s what I’m sure he’s doing with you. It’s this distorted protector gene that’s in his DNA.

“I’m not alone in my theory; Peggy agrees. The way we see it, Colby’s in love with you, and he’s protecting you from himself, removing himself from the situation so he physically can’t harm you. In a way, it’s the ultimate act, but he’ll never be happy if he keeps it up.”

I’ve known for a while that something bad happened when Colby and Lindsey were kids, and that it’s a tie that binds the two together. So, of course, I ask the next natural question. “What happened when he was eight?”

“Back then, he was the big brother who loved hockey above all else, and I was the four-year-old tagalong little sister who worshipped the ground he walked on. And you know what? I still do. As for the rest of the story, it’s best if that comes from him,” she says with nothing but kindness. “What I will add is that it changed my life forever, but it also changed Colby. Everyone forgave him long ago and moved past it, including me. He’s the one who’s never gotten over it.”

“Something bad happened when you were kids. Are you …?” Disabled? Injured? What words do I use? I’ve wandered into extremely awkward territory, and I don’t know how to back out.

Her tone is kind when she shuts me down. “That’s for Colby to tell you. I just wanted to give you some background so that when he wakes up, you have an idea why he withdrew in the first place. It’ll help explain why he’s hardwired the way he is.

“I hope you don’t give up on him, Jackie, and part of that is for my own selfish reasons. I’m dying to meet you in person. I get it, though, if his surly butt has scared you off.”

Has he scared me off forever, though? I find myself more intrigued than ever and wanting to peel back every fascinating layer that encapsulates Colby Chase.

When we hang up forty-five minutes later, answers to mysteries emerge from a mist. My first instinct is to stay guarded—after Randy, accepting reasons at face value is foolish. But Lindsey didn’t make excuses; she handed me the Rosetta Stone to a man who’d rather play the villain than admit how deeply he cares.

I don’t have the entire story, but I do have a different perspective of Colby Chase. Beneath the agitator and jokester personas beats the heart of a sensitive man whose spirit was shattered when his little-boy self made a mistake so egregious it resulted in his sister’s disability. What I can’t shake is that he was a child, and that whatever he did, his own sister forgave him long ago. Nearly two decades later, he has yet to give himself the same grace. I can’t imagine the enormity of the event, but my brain does its share of trying to fill in the blanks.

Lindsey doesn’t want me to give up on her brother. But that’s up to Colby, isn’t it? I have no idea if he’s beyond my reach—only that I believe with all my heart he’s worth saving, even if he doesn’t agree. I also believe I need to tell him that I love him. How he makes me feel. I need to save him from himself. I may not succeed, but every fiber in my being screams that I must try. I trust him not to destroy me, but I’m also willing to take the chance he will. Colby Chase’s life and happiness are worth every bit of the risk.

These thoughts cruise through my head as I stare out the window at the city below. A familiar click at the front door has my head swiveling in time to see my brother enter the condo. When his gaze lands on me, he grins from ear to ear.

“Exit interview went well, I take it?”