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He shook his head, his eyes glimmering at her in the weak light. “Not ye,” he said. “Ye’re too good for the likes of me and everything about me. Do ye not understand? Ye’re an earl’s daughter, an honorable and beautiful woman the likes of which I never thought would even speak tae me. I’m so unworthy of ye, Esme, but since I met ye, I’ve come tae see a kind, compassionate, and sweet woman I’d give the world tae be with. I’ve never felt that way before, about anyone. I always thought I knew what I wanted and it dinna include a woman in my life. But ye… ye’ve made me reconsider that.”
Esme stared at him a moment before looking away. The tremble in her lower lip was growing worse.
“You’re a beautiful, intelligent, and vibrant man, Titus,” she said hoarsely. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I will admit that I thought you could do no wrong. You were kind and generous with me, and I put you on an altar like something to be worshipped because you were my savior. You saved me from a horrible life at Culroy. I wanted you to be perfect, but it was my mistake for expecting you to be flawless.”
“It’s hard when those ye think well of fall from their perch,” he murmured. “I dinna mean tae fall, Esme, but I canna change what I’ve done in the past. Men have pasts and women do, too. I’m not as perfect as I want people tae believe. I know I have my faults. But I suppose that is difficult for ye tae understand because ye have no faults at all. Ye are perfect.”
Esme looked at him a moment, eons of untold longing in her eyes. There was much she wanted to say and couldn’t. After a moment, she simply looked away.
“Please go,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “There is nothing more to say, Titus.”
He wasn’t moving. “If ye wish it, I will, but I must ask ye a question first,” he said. “Will ye answer truthfully?”
She stiffened. “I will not lie if that is what you are suggesting.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m suggesting,” he said. “I simply want a truthful answer.”
“Then ask.”
“Do ye feel something for me?”
Her eyes opened but she didn’t look at him. For the longest time, she simply stared at the wall, unblinking.
“Why do you ask?” she finally said.
He could hear the pain in her voice. “Because if ye dinna, ye wouldna be so upset about this. About me. Please, Esme… tell me what ye feel.”
She turned to him once more, her face a mask of confusion, of defiance, and of surrender. She sighed heavily but ended up coughing, covering her mouth with her hand.
“I was proud to be your friend,” she said. “I was proud to tend your home. I was proud of you.”
“Proud enough tae love me?”
She blinked and her eyes filled with a lake of tears. She looked away once more. “I will not love a man who has let every woman in Edinburgh taste him.”
“Could ye love a man who swears ye’ll be the only woman for him from this moment on, for as long as he lives?”
Her head jerked to him, her eyes wide. She was looking for any hint of jest in his expression, any suggestion that he was simply telling her what she wanted to hear so he could have his way in all things. But she didn’t see that at all. Titus’ expression was open, honest…
Vulnerable.
“You asked me how I feel,” she whispered. “Don’t you even know?”
His hand, which he’d kept away from her since she recoiled, lifted. He held it out to her. “Nay,” he said. “I can only guess. Will ye please tell me the truth?”
Esme looked at his hand, tears filling her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. He wanted to feel her flesh in his, but she wasn’t going to give in.
Not yet.
“I… I adore you,” she whispered. “But I adore someone who does not exist.”
“How do ye know unless ye let me try?”
She sniffled, wiping at her cheeks. “I do not expect you to change for me, Titus. I do not want us both to be disappointed.”
He was still holding his hand out, still begging her to take it. “Ye must let me try,” he murmured. “Esme, ye make me want tae be a better man. Will ye not even let me try?”
She was still wiping her cheeks. “You haven’t yet told me how you feel.”
