Page 112

"I'm so sorry, Jax, please don't hate me. Please." He sobs into my chest, tears dampening my shirt. "I tried to come and apologise, but you wouldn't answer. I'm so sorry."

Everything inside me breaks. Every part of my body ripples with an agonizing pain that almost makes me fall to my knees. Nothing Melina could do would ever feel worse than this moment. Seeing my brother breaking, feeling the way his body sobs against mine over something I did? Fuck.

"I could never hate you, Jar. I was convinced you hated me, and I didn't hear you yesterday," I lie. I lie with everything I have, but I feel the way Adrian's eyes never leave my face. He's studying every reaction. He already knows I'm bullshitting before I can even spew the rest of it. "I was working through some shit."

"See, I told you he'd be in here brooding over shit he can't control," Adrian cuts in, his voice rough and low.

"Good to see you back here in one piece," I say dryly. I've still not forgiven him fully. Not because I'm mad or even hurt. But because for the last forty-eight hours, I've been picturing his death, over and over. Picturing whatever sick thing the De Lucas would do to him if they caught him.

"Takes more than a couple of gimps with guns to kill me, kid." He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He's exhausted, I am too. "Say, Jarrod—why don't you go get the drinks in? Let me talk to Jax for a minute." He pats Jarrod's shoulders, coaxing him away from me.

Jarrod looks at me, eyes searching to see if this is what I want. Searching to see if we are really okay. I let out a tired laugh, softly nudging him in the shoulder with my fist.

"Go, we're good. We'll always be good, brother."

He smirks back, tucking his hands into his pocket and nods.

We don't say another word, not until he's left the room and Adrian's face changes from soft to a scowl. "So, we gonna keep up with the bullshit lies or you wanna talk about what really happened?"

I grab my pack of cigarettes from the bedside table, tapping them in my hand. "Smoke?" I push past him and out onto the balcony.

"Don't deflect," he calls out, boots thudding against the carpet as he follows me out.

I can't tell him what happened. I can't tell him how much I fucked up by getting involved with Amora, or how much Melina has fucked me up in the last twenty-four hours. I can't handle the lecture, and I can't handle the fucking pity he'll offer. So I do what I do best. I lie.

"I'm not deflecting shit." I light the cigarette hanging from my mouth, sliding one out for him to take. "So you did it then? You killed her?"

"No." He sighs, leaning against the railing. "It was more complicated than I anticipated. Too many guards, too much blood already lost. I had no choice but to get out of there."

"I can't imagine Vincent took that too well," I say, leaning beside him and taking another drag, the smoke settling on my lungs.

"No," he scoffs. "Almost took my head clean off. If Jarrod hadn't have intervened, I don't like to think what would have happened."

"Good old Jarrod, always stepping in when needed." I smile, and for once in a long time, it's genuine. He's always been the kid Vincent pushed around, I'm glad to see him step up for once.

"Yeah, I owe that kid a lot more than a measly Coke, that's for sure," he replies, letting the conversation die just long enough for the silence to settle.

I can't stop my eyes from dragging to her balcony. I bet she thinks I'm a cunt. Thinks I'm the kind of guy to fuck her and never come back. I can't help but wonder what she's doing right now. Fuck, I can't help but wish Adrian would piss off just so I can climb over the balconies and see her.

"Let's talk about the last twenty-four hours, Jax."

My gaze snaps to him. Lips parting and closing as the words struggle to form. Every lie I want to spill refuses to tumble out.

"I told you, I was processing." I throw my cigarette butt over the balcony and move back inside. I can't do this. I can't tell him. If I do, I'll open a wound I'm not ready to open.

"Bullshit. I saw her leave."

His words stop me in my tracks. The feel of his eyes burn into my back. He already knows.

"She did what she always does. Came and destroyed another piece of me, then left." I don't let my voice break. I won't ever let myself break. Because the moment I do, there's no coming back. There's no surviving it. I'll find her and kill her my fucking self.

He takes a step forward. I can feel his hand reaching, but I can't bear to be touched. Not by him, not by the man who taught me everything I know and who taught me to be strong. I move away, just enough for him to stay out of reach.

"You know, kid, I always knew she was trouble. I tried to keep you away from her; fuck, I spent so many nights on this bedroom floor trying to do just that. 'Cause I knew what these people did. They don't care about the lives they fuck up, they don't care about the souls they break. We were lucky Jarrod found us when he was young, when his mind was too little to be corrupted, because fuck, I don't know how he'd have turned out."

"I'm fine, Adrian, we don't need to do this. I'm fine," I lie. I'll always lie. It's safer than admitting the truth, that every inch of me is crawling with her touch. That fuck, I feel no different than the girls down in the cells. But I am, aren't I? I am different. They didn't ask for this. They didn't want this, not like me. Not like how my cock gets hard without my permission. That means something. Surely, it means something.

"What did she do, Jax?" His words come out stronger, pushing more and more.