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Dropping my phone on my chest, I press both hands over my face and let out a silent scream into my palms. It doesn’t help. Every time my eyes are closed, I remember what it was like to trace the shapes of his body in the pitch-black of that room.

I think of the thrill I felt to bring him off. To come on his stomach.

Even when the door opened and he pressed his body against mine, trying to shield me from prying eyes, it was one of the best nights of my life.

It’s too much, and it’s not enough, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I also don’t want to leave him on read because that seems like a dick thing to do, especially after how insecure he was tonight.

And how much I hurt him by asking to keep this a secret.

Me: Just got out of the shower, sorry. I don’t have regrets. You?

Easton: Only that you had to leave.

God, is this a thing we’re going to do? Talk about it? About…about feelings? I’m so not prepared for that.

Easton: Sorry.

Me: It’s fine.

I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to leave him hanging, but it’s not like I’m an expert at this. My one single marriage had been a total disaster from start to finish. God, Easton cannot choose me for his first man. He can’t choose me for his first anything.

I will ruin him, and not in a good way.

Me: I’m gonna get to bed. See you soon.

And maybe it’s karma, but I watch those little typing bubbles appear and disappear before the screen eventually goes quiet, and I realize that Easton isn’t going to reply.

I have the next few days off, which I’m grateful for because I slept like shit last night, and I don’t know that I’m going to sleep any better tonight. I wake up to the smell of coffee and shuffle into the kitchen to find my mom at the stove, pulling something out of the oven.

“Keto muffins,” she tells me when I frown over her shoulder. “A new recipe with this sweetener thing that I found on Reddit.”

“Mom. Don’t buy things from people selling on Reddit,” I groan.

She pats my cheek and hip-checks me toward the coffee maker. “I didn’t buy it from Reddit. I did my research on all my little message boards for stuff that Elio’s stomach can take.”

She puts another tray in the oven, and I choke.

“Do you think he eats what an army does?”

“He’s a growing boy, but no. I wanted to let you know that your dad and I are leaving on a red-eye.”

I blink at her.

“Your sister’s pregnancy got…complicated.”

My stomach sinks. Amelie and I aren’t the closest, but I love her and all my little niblings. “What’s going on? She gonna be okay?”

“She’ll be fine, but she needs me and your dad to keep an eye on Kat and Jackie while she and Mark are in the hospital. I almost told her no,” she says slowly, looking at me out of the corner of her eye. “You have a lot going on here. But I gave Daphne a call.”

“Mom,” I groan. Elio’s mom only gets vacation twice a year, and she always uses that time to come and visit, but it was barely two months ago when she was last here. “You can’t do that. It’s not part of the agreement.”

“I know, but these are extenuating circumstances. She says if it gets bad, give her a call.”

I pass a hand down my face, then finish pouring my coffee. “Look,” I tell her before taking a sip. I take a moment to savor the sweet, sweet caffeine about to hit my bloodstream. “Elio and I will be fine. I have support from the guys at work, and I’m not going anywhere near my apartment⁠—”

“About that,” she says.

I fight off another groan. “What?”