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“You’re a relationship guy,” he finishes.

I put down my spoon. “How did you know I was trying to say that?”

“Because I’m glad you are.”

I watch him eat a spoonful, which reminds me to take another bite myself. “How did you learn how to manage heatstroke so well?”

He puts the next bite of ice cream into his mouth and makes an equivocal side-to-side head move. “That was pure training kicking in, honestly.”

“You have a lot of skills. Did you do an outdoor survival camp somewhere, or medical training?” I can’t keep the flirtation out of my voice as I picture Levi at some wilderness camp in the backwoods of Tennessee. “Were there bears?”

He pauses in his annihilation of his ice cream and his eyes tilt up to the left as he processes the memory. “Mostly in Basic, but when I was deployed we had to be on the lookout for signs of heatstroke all the time. Especially with all the gear you have to go out with. Fifty pounds of gear, 110 degrees outside, and you’re just cooking inside your helmet. And yes, there were bears. My drill instructor was in a category to himself.”

I blink at him and try not to hyperventilate. The peach melba in my mouth refuses to go down. It freezes the space above my nose and I have to force myself to swallow.

I scan over his haircut and realize it’s military grade, and things fit into place. His phone is still in military time, and I, who am so used to that, never even registered it.

Levi continues, his focus still on his food. “I mean, I was only in the Army, so I didn’t do the kind of crazy-ass shit the Marines did, but still, it wasn’t fun.”

I force myself to keep my voice even. “What was your MOS?”

He looks up in surprise, a happy smile spreading over his face. “92 Yankee. You know the MOS system? That’s amazing. Did you ever date Army before?”

I swallow. It feels like rocks going down my throat.

“I’ve…worked with some in the past.” I hesitate. “Have you seen combat?” On the first night my hand found something on the left side of his rib cage and he moved it somewhere else. I let him move it. I never asked about that scar.

He grimaces and plunges his spoon into his ice cream. “Umm, yes.” He hesitates over his ice cream. “Can you excuse me for a few seconds? I think all that water we guzzled just hit me. I’ll be right back.” He smiles at me and stands up.

I watch him walk away and my heart sinks. I’m aware that I’m only breathing through my mouth as I stare at his retreating form.

Every foolish dream I had two minutes ago is incinerating in front of my eyes. I can see the way that the committee will see this. They’ll see it as a pattern. They’ll think I have a fixation on military men. They could even call into question my research, and everything I worked for will be destroyed if this comes out.

Why the fuck does Levi Knight, the most perfect man I’ve ever met, have to be military, of all things?

My disgrace will have ripple effects. Forget about the university firing me as the loose-cannon researcher. It will make my field of research radioactive because this committee is going to take one look at him and say, It’s just what we thought.

Timothy Leary.

The San Miguel study is going to be filed next to that.

I’m actually sweating despite the cold. My palms are sticky from a mixture of ice cream and sweat. I wipe them and stare at my hands.

Damage control. There’s still time. But not if I don’t handle it right goddamned now.

This is a disaster. Even worse than them slandering me, Robby will be made out to be a man I seduced and discarded in the public record. Thousands of people are going to suffer needlessly due to ignorance and prejudice, and all because I was charmed by a gorgeous man that I can’t have.

I don’t even know how I let it get this far. How did I get so immersed in another person without asking about his history? Am I so lonely, only three months post-breakup, that I would lose my senses? I let my guard down at the exact time I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I was in no position to, with the exact kind of man my lawyer very clearly told me to stay away from. Whatever keep your nose clean means in lawyer-speak, this is not it. Guilt and shame take turns, volleying me relentlessly for having led Levi on even in this tiny bit.

Levi sits down, snapping me out of my panicked spiraling. “You okay, baby boy?” Levi asks, reaching over to caress my hand. I jerk away involuntarily and look at my melting ice cream. All I want to do is go to a bathroom and throw it up.

I’ve caught this before it could explode in my face. And that means I can do something about it. And it’s only been four days. Nobody falls in love that fast, not even fools like me. It’s impossible. And I’ve made no promises or voiced that little thought about taking it further.

I can recover this.

“I want to get back to our next steps.”

He smiles broadly, leaning forward. There’s a pang in my heart, because after this, he’s never going to look at me like this again. I need to pull this Band-Aid off. I straighten and meet his eyes calmly. “Levi, this has been the best few days I’ve ever had in my life, spent with one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met. But we always knew that there was a time limit to it. And I’m sorry, but I think that time is now.”