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“I don’t understand.”

“The truth is all there for you to understand… that is, if you look for it.”

“What?”

She reached out and tapped the center of my forehead. “Nothing happening in this dream is new. You created this place from your memories and knowledge.”

How was I supposed to answer myself when I didn’t know what I was looking for?

“The longer you resist the bond, the longer Cornaith uses Elyrdin as his personal playground. Right now, your Nyriths suffer because of your choice. Continue making selfish choices, and all of us will suffer.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Search your mind.” She gave me a once-over. “You are sick, correct?”

“Uh-huh,” I said, dragging out the word.

“What happens to them when you’re sick? What happens to a Nyrith pair when separated?”

I already suspected the guys were sick, even if Zeke seemed fine when we’d found each other in the dreamwalk. But I was only bonded to Ash, not the others, and I told her as much.

“You know they can get sick without a completed bond. Don’t hide from that truth.”

My nose wrinkled. “I’m not hiding.” I just didn’t like talking about it. It already hurt enough to know Ash was sick.

“Your choice put them in this situation.”

“What? What choice? I didn’t do anything.”

“Did you not leave when you’d told them you’d stay on the palace grounds or at home?”

I looked away. “I didn’t think—”

“You didn’t. And now they suffer, all because of you.”

I hated that she was right.

Had I stayed home, I wouldn’t be in this situation. But then what of the Sephra clan? Would Cornaith have found another way to get me to them and separate us anyway?

“That might be,” Quinfina said, clearly able to read my thoughts since she was a manifestation of my mind. “But in the time it has taken them to find you, you know Bondrot has spread through them as it has you. Had the vallants finished their potions before an opportunity presented itself to move you to the clan, then perhaps none of you would have become sick.”

“You can’t know—”

“Your impulsive decision may have sentenced the ones you love to death.” Her judgmental eyes met mine. “Again.”

Quinfina didn’t talk like that. She spoke the truth when I needed it, but she never phrased things to hurt me. Still, her words landed.

Patricia had already made guilt rear its ugly head with her cruel words, shoving what I’d done to Grandma in my face. Now, Quinfina was doing the same with the guys and their condition.

I kept making decisions that put people I cared about in danger—even getting them killed. I didn’t consider myself selfish, but if I had heeded Grandma’s warning about the shadows and kept my promise to the guys by not leaving the house with Kavina, none of the terrible events would have occurred.

Would I have even met the guys without what happened the night Grandma died?

I shook my head. I needed to stop letting my mind spiral.

Bondrot was twisting my mind and turning my dream into a nightmare; it was the only way to explain why I could see Feranzis and why it made me face these horrible thoughts.

I no longer had the strength to keep myself disconnected from Feranzis.