Page 85

I closed my eyes, letting the patchy memories of what had happened earlier flood back in. Remembering everything was tough, with only static filling the gaps from when I’d struggled hardest to hold on to reality.

But I remembered one thing vividly.

Zeke kissed me.

He’d been desperate, begging me not to give in to the magic. And then he gave me something I’d craved for ages.

“Fuck.” I squeezed my eyes tight.

What did it mean?

A desperate bid to shake me out of my delirium? If so, why choose a kiss? I’d always suspected his curiosity, but to act on it in such a dangerous moment…

Just thinking he might return even a fraction of my feelings for him made my chest tighten.

With what?

Hope?

Fear?

Both, if I were honest with myself.

I’d spent years thinking his lingering looks and flustered reactions were only curiosity. That he’d not come to terms with his sexuality and, because he trusted me, allowed himself to explore those feelings with me.

I never acted on those moments, fearing my assumptions were correct.

And if they weren’t? What if he didn’t accept all of me once we crossed that line?

Zeke deserved something better. A pure love from someone who wasn’t fucked in the head. Someone without a codependency problem and trust issues.

I rose to my feet and crossed to him, crouching down to study his face.

The shadows beneath his eyes looked harsher than they usually did in his alternate form, and it was my fault. I was supposed to protect him, and he had to save me—twice. All the while protecting Raelynn from me.

I wasn’t going to hurt her. I remembered that much.

Instincts kicked in when my body started to succumb to the curse of Feranzis. I’d wanted to find my mate because I knew she could save me from my fate. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I’d felt it down to my bones.

I didn’t blame him for seeing me as a danger to her, though.

He mumbled something I couldn’t understand when I brushed my thumb across his lower lip. I tugged it before releasing it, draping my arms over my thighs.

I kept lying to him… and to myself.

Lying through omission—through denial.

But if I stopped running away from everything I wanted and crossed the line I’d drawn long ago in order to protect him and myself… if he couldn’t handle this oppressive love that threatened to drown me daily…

I growled, straightening and marching back to my side of the clearing.

Since when was I such a fucking coward?

Raelynn stirred when I collapsed against the tree. “Cyn?” She pushed up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What time is it?”

“Don’t know.”

I hadn’t brought my phone to the ball, and the thick canopy made it difficult to tell night from day in Feranzis. It’d been late at night when we left the ball, but who knew how long we’d been out here before we first woke up.