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Heat floods my cheeks as we walk out toward the pool house. When we reach the doorway, I tense next to Alexander, but he meets my nerves with an arm around my shoulders and a comforting squeeze.
The couple gasps in unison, and I stand back and watch as they approach the ten-by-fifteen painting I poured my heart into over the last three months. From far away, I admire it myself.
It’s bright, brighter than I expected it would turn out. The girl’s blonde locks are highlighted with streaks of bright pink and gold. Her eyes are the same shade of blue as the pool behind us, and behind her is a collage of tropical colors. A turquoise bird, a yellow palm tree, the sun, the sand, the water.
“Does she have the look?” I ask Alexander, so quietly the other two can’t hear.
“What look?”
“The one that says she wants you.” When I glance up at him, he smirks at me before leaning down and dropping his lips against mine.
“This is phenomenal,” Valerie says as she steps closer to us.
Hastily, Alexander pulls away from me and nods. “I agree.”
“I have a wall in my apartment that needs something like this, Sunny. I hope you’re ready to get to work on more.”
We all laugh, and Alexander offers them something to drink. The four of us sit around the patio table while Gino tells us all about the art he’s been buying, dealing, wanting, and it’s overwhelming for me. These were the type of people I went to art school with, the ones who scared me away, made me feel like I would never belong. Now, he’s looking at me like he admires me.
“So, Valerie is one of the directors for the downtown art co-op,” Gino says nonchalantly, and I freeze in my chair.
“Really?” Alex replies, and my eyes dash to his face. Did he know about this?
The sudden feeling of being ambushed makes my heart pick up pace.
“Have you heard about that program, Sunny? I think you would really belong in something like that.”
Alexander’s tapping foot freezes. “I’ve been telling Sunny about it. I thought she could apply,” Alexander says, still holding my hand, tighter than ever.
“Oh, with work like this, I have no doubt you’d get in, Sunny.”
The blood drains from my face. “No.”
Valerie smiles gently. “I know it sounds intimidating, but it’s such a good opportunity. Months of rigorous work doing what you love. We’re looking for artists who are truly devoted.”
Alexander squeezes my leg. “She is.”
My next breath comes out with a shake.
“And what do you think, Sunny?” Valerie asks.
Their eyes burn into me as I feel myself shrinking, and the table instantly grows quiet. “I mean…it’s a lot to think about.”
“For sure,” Valerie says carefully, a tight smile aimed at Alexander.
Gino drones on about some artist who graduated from the program and went on to paint some award-winning art in Europe. I can’t focus on his story. I let my mind consider this for a moment, what it might be like to spend so long away from Alexander. Him alone in this house for months on end. Would it be worth it?
He laughs along with his friends, and I start to feel more and more out of place. Every so often, they glance my way, asking me a question. I try to act as normal as possible answering, but I feel out of place no matter what.
They stick around for another hour, and it seems like they do more talking about me than to me, and I feel myself growing more and more irritated. Even Alexander mentions me like I’m not even there, and I desperately want them to leave so that he and I can return to normal and pretend none of this happened.
Valerie and Gino leave a storm of tension in their wake, long after the front door closes and the house is bathed in silence. The space between Alex and me is tense as we clean up the glasses around the patio. There are so many unspoken words between us, and I just keep waiting for one of us to break.
He glances up at me, but I avoid his gaze. “They liked you,” he says flatly.
I carry the glasses inside without responding.
“Sunny,” he calls, but I can’t bring myself to speak to him. The sea of emotions inside of me is cataclysmic. And somehow…I’m angry at myself for it. Why can’t I just be more excited for this? Why can’t I just be more outgoing? Why must everything be so hard?
